I learned a couple of things this past Thursday. First of all, my body doesn't react to novocaine like a normal person's body would. *breaks out into song* Novocaine.... for the soul.... before I sputter out.

The dentist gave me one round of shots which included about 5 different insertions of the needle. He left me there to drool on myself and came back about 5 minutes later. "Is it numb?" "Eh... kinda." "Open... can you feel this?" "No..." "How bout th..." "Ahhh!!!" "Okay, let me numb you up a little more."

2 or 3 shots and 5 minutes later and we went through the whole thing again.

3rd time's the charm right? Nope.... it aint...

4 times? How about 4 times? nooooop.

The fifth time, he was apparently done screwing around. He got out a 20 foot long needle, jammed it into the back of my mouth and out of instinct, my right leg flew up through the air and almost kicked him in the head.

This one did the trick. I was suddenly numb from my shoulder to the top of my head. My bottom lip was laying in my lap, my tongue was hanging out like a dog in the hot sun and my nose had swollen to 10 times its size. Or at least...that's what my face felt like.

While he was gone, doing whatever it is that dentists do while they're gone, my body started shaking violently. The doctor came back in and told me that the shakes I was feeling were due to the numbing agents. I told him "oh I us ought I us cold" and then I wiped my mouth.

He pulled the tooth and led me out to the receptionist where I paid my bill and tried to sign my name. That was almost an impossible task because I was shaking so hard. When I tried to give my debit card to the woman, I looked like a 2 year old playing keep away. "You can't have it. Try to get it. You can't catch it." LOL Then, signing my name?? Ha!!!

Went out to my car and it took me a good 2 minutes to get the key into the lock. Another minute to get the key into the ignition. I drove about 5 miles to Wally World and by the time I got there. I had stopped shaking. It might've had something to do with the fact that I set the heater to 90 degrees. But I'm not sure.

Here's where I should explain that I'm normally a decently happy person. If you and I make eye contact, I'm 99% guaranteed to smile at you. Having a smile on my face just makes me feel better. Well... with half of my face numb, I wasn't doing a whole lot of smiling. I was actually trying to avoid it because, well, I looked like a freak. LOL

At one point, there was a woman coming towards me with a cart. We were doing the shopping cart dance where we'd each go to the same side and then turn back to the other side trying to avoid each other. This would usually cause me to laugh, and I was laughing, only it was just on the inside.

What the woman saw was some ticked off looking freak of a woman, barrelling at her with a shopping cart, obviously ready for a good game of shopping cart chicken. I could see the look on her face change from being a little giggly to "I will not be defeated!!!!!"

I pulled my cart over to the side and let her pass me. She pushed her cart by as though she'd just won the gold medal in the House Wife Olympics.

Tomorrow.... Walmart Field Trips For Rich Kids

But for now... please enjoy Novocaine For The Soul by Eels.