Novocaine For The Soul

I learned a couple of things this past Thursday. First of all, my body doesn't react to novocaine like a normal person's body would. *breaks out into song* Novocaine.... for the soul.... before I sputter out.

The dentist gave me one round of shots which included about 5 different insertions of the needle. He left me there to drool on myself and came back about 5 minutes later. "Is it numb?" "Eh... kinda." "Open... can you feel this?" "No..." "How bout th..." "Ahhh!!!" "Okay, let me numb you up a little more."

2 or 3 shots and 5 minutes later and we went through the whole thing again.

3rd time's the charm right? Nope.... it aint...

4 times? How about 4 times? nooooop.

The fifth time, he was apparently done screwing around. He got out a 20 foot long needle, jammed it into the back of my mouth and out of instinct, my right leg flew up through the air and almost kicked him in the head.

This one did the trick. I was suddenly numb from my shoulder to the top of my head. My bottom lip was laying in my lap, my tongue was hanging out like a dog in the hot sun and my nose had swollen to 10 times its size. Or at least...that's what my face felt like.

While he was gone, doing whatever it is that dentists do while they're gone, my body started shaking violently. The doctor came back in and told me that the shakes I was feeling were due to the numbing agents. I told him "oh I us ought I us cold" and then I wiped my mouth.

He pulled the tooth and led me out to the receptionist where I paid my bill and tried to sign my name. That was almost an impossible task because I was shaking so hard. When I tried to give my debit card to the woman, I looked like a 2 year old playing keep away. "You can't have it. Try to get it. You can't catch it." LOL Then, signing my name?? Ha!!!

Went out to my car and it took me a good 2 minutes to get the key into the lock. Another minute to get the key into the ignition. I drove about 5 miles to Wally World and by the time I got there. I had stopped shaking. It might've had something to do with the fact that I set the heater to 90 degrees. But I'm not sure.

Here's where I should explain that I'm normally a decently happy person. If you and I make eye contact, I'm 99% guaranteed to smile at you. Having a smile on my face just makes me feel better. Well... with half of my face numb, I wasn't doing a whole lot of smiling. I was actually trying to avoid it because, well, I looked like a freak. LOL

At one point, there was a woman coming towards me with a cart. We were doing the shopping cart dance where we'd each go to the same side and then turn back to the other side trying to avoid each other. This would usually cause me to laugh, and I was laughing, only it was just on the inside.

What the woman saw was some ticked off looking freak of a woman, barrelling at her with a shopping cart, obviously ready for a good game of shopping cart chicken. I could see the look on her face change from being a little giggly to "I will not be defeated!!!!!"

I pulled my cart over to the side and let her pass me. She pushed her cart by as though she'd just won the gold medal in the House Wife Olympics.

Tomorrow.... Walmart Field Trips For Rich Kids

But for now... please enjoy Novocaine For The Soul by Eels.

Posted on 11:28 AM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

13 comments:

Sarah said... @ March 15, 2009 at 1:02 PM

Well, at least the tooth is out!

HeatherPride said... @ March 15, 2009 at 3:08 PM

I'm so glad you got that tooth taken care of!! And I never let the dentist work on me until I'm all jazzed up on Novocaine either. I know he doesn't believe me when I say I can still feel it, but if I get even the slightest sensation of what he's doing in there, I need more.

Michelle said... @ March 15, 2009 at 6:23 PM

I can't get numb either so I have $10,000 worth of work that needs done. Blech.

Samsmama said... @ March 15, 2009 at 7:34 PM

That was just too funny! I could picture it all too well. And I was laughing all too hard!

Ginny Marie said... @ March 15, 2009 at 7:37 PM

All of a sudden I'm terrified of needles! I never was before....

I'm glad you got that tooth out!

Melanie D said... @ March 15, 2009 at 9:03 PM

That stuff doesn't work so well for me either, had knee surgery several years back, they locally froze the area,but not well enough as I felt the scalpel on my leg.....and don't even get me started on the epidural........
I'm glad you were able to get the tooth dealt with. Hope it didn't feel too bad once the freezing wore off!!!

Rachael said... @ March 16, 2009 at 1:01 AM

Oh my God. I freaking HATE those big metal needles with the finger holes on them. I have to go to the dentist this week, and I know I have at least 1 cavity... SCARED! Last time I went they had to re-inject me twice, but it worked after that.

bsouth said... @ March 16, 2009 at 7:44 AM

I had an anasthetic wear off half way through root canal work once. I hate going to the dentist now.

Having read that though, next time I see a stern woman I will think twice before thinking "miserable old bag"!

calicobebop said... @ March 16, 2009 at 10:32 AM

I love that song. Ah, the 90's...

Glad the tooth is out and you're on the road to recovery!

Stacie said... @ March 16, 2009 at 11:27 AM

oh what I would have paid to see you kick that dentist in the head, HILARIOUS...and then you walking around Walmart all doped up, drooling...CLASSIC!

Terri said... @ March 16, 2009 at 1:15 PM

I have to have laughing gas before he can even get near me with a needle. Yep I'm chicken !

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said... @ March 17, 2009 at 10:30 PM

Oh gosh you had me rolling. That's a good post.

And, Novocaine? nope, I need the 20-foot-long needle too. I always love how the dentist comes in with his arm hanging down at his side and the needle hiding behind his back, almost like he's got a present for me. He says, "Now, open up and we'll get that all numb for you." and he SWOOPS in with the giant needle and before I can say "LIKE HELL YOU"RE PUTTING THAT THING IN MY MOUTH!" he's already got the needle practically next to my spinal cord. Have to give him credit tho. The big needle does the trick.

And, Walmart - uh, wasn't the receptionist worried about you driving? Like, SURE We'll pull your teeth but after you leave that door you're on your own!

And the shopping cart lady? I can just hear the "hmph" in her voice. LOL

GREAT post!

Marcila Dare said... @ July 15, 2011 at 1:50 PM

If you were really shaking when you were at the receptionist, then I wonder how your handwriting was when you wrote your name! Four shots of novocaine and a big shot of what's-that-ultimate numbing stuff really got you wobbly. Did you grow some tolerance before the first four shots?

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