Snopes Don't Fail Me Now

My inbox is often cluttered with e-mails warning about the medicines I should remove from my bathroom, murderers jumping into the back seat of my car while I get fuel and killer clowns hiding in my bedroom. Because of these e-mails, I find myself at Snopes quite often.

For those unfamiliar with Snopes (Where have you been? Stop forwarding this crap to me!!) you can basically search for keywords and they'll tell you whether it's accurate information or just more BS that you should ignore.

I was always impressed with the amount of time they put into researching. Until.... today....

Did someone forget to send them the memo??



The world would be a better place if we could all see the world through the eyes of children... and Snopes...
Posted on 2:22 PM by Chris and filed under | 7 Comments »

Hodgepodge

This will be my first post in my new section called Hodgepodge. It's sort of like Random Thoughts but, I like the word hodgepodge, so I'm going with that. (FYI - I just read this post from start to finish and it was non-stop, who gives a crap jabbering*. I almost bored myself to sleep. I promise not to get mad if you just turn around and run.)

I think I like Spam. Is it spam, Spam or SPAM?

(*This is the only NON who cares part of the post cuz it's totally awesome!!) I won a prize in a blog giveaway. My very first one ever and I'm super excited!! The giveaway was hosted by Gina at My Very Last Nerve. The prize was a DVD set of the series The Planet Earth. Squeee!! THANK YOU GINA!! I got my prize in the mail today/yesterday and my DVD player is in Arkanas, and I'm in Illinois. Boo!!!

Is it still today since I haven't gone to bed yet? Or am I now living in tomorrow? Did I just confuse you as badly as I confused myself?

Today was the first time in months that I looked at the stats for my gaming site. I was surprised to see that there were over 300 pages loaded today. It surprises me because I haven't updated the site or advertised for it in over 6 months.

It doesn't matter where The Ol' Man is dispatched to drive. No matter the state, there will be crappy weather. I mean, since when does Texas freeze over?

Gina found some crazy strong bubble-wrap to send my new DVDs in. The kids were fighting over who got to pop it until they realized that their mom couldn't even get a bubble to pop.

It doesn't matter when The Ol' Man is suppose to park his truck and come home. He will always be at least a day late because the people who are suppose to load his trailer like to jack around while he sits in their dock waiting. Arriving early is pointless but arriving late is a death sentence.

Frogger's swing's batteries are about to die. I wonder who tied the string to the back of it.

Why doesn't your nose grow when you inform a child that their nose will grow if they fib?

I could really go for some sPaM right about now.

I'm only kidding about the SpAm.

Noggin (a kid's t.v. channel) gets really irritating at 1:45 a.m.

It's 1:45 a.m. and the remote is way over there. *points 4 feet away*

Yesterday, Boogie told me that she liiiiiked me. Then she informed me that she loooooves Daddy. *sigh*

I like blogs with titles that I can relate to & words like snot and booger. For example Wiping Up Snot, A Schmitty Life, Baby Boogers, Idiot's Stew, Poop on Jelly and Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???

I very rarely link to a site without putting target="_blank" in the code and it irritates the piss out of me when people disable the right click on their site. I hate hate HATE not being able to right click and "open in a new tab" Why do people do that? There's nothing on your site that you're preventing me from stealing just because you disabled right click. Is it your source code that you're hiding? Trying to prevent me from stealing an image? What is it?? and stop doing it!!!

Someone threw an empty Smarties wrapper on my desk and now I wish I had some Smarties.

My governor was impeached... and I think it's funny and should happen more often.

I have 79 subscriptions on my reader and as of 2 minutes ago, there were zero new posts to read. Now... there are 37. I think my reader is broked-ed-ed.
Posted on 1:31 AM by Chris and filed under | 5 Comments »

Brought To You By The Letter T


Stacie from Stacie's Madness found a fun blogging game to play and I decided I'd give it a try. Here are the rules as she explained them in her post.

It's called "Brought to you by the letter..." game. You leave a comment (asking for a letter) on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

Stacie's hat picked the letter T for me. My first thought was "Is it cheating if I say The moon, The stars?" My 2nd thought was "I wish I used my kids' real names on this blog because that would take care of #1 and #2.

So.... Here I go.

1. Tiny feet. Itty bitty tiny baby feet are one of my most favorite things in the world. There are only 2 left in my house and they will be the last until I become a grandma.

2. Tendrils of hair like my Boogie has.

3. Thongs

3. Thin slices of ham. I hate huge hunks of ham! I really do!

Am I cheating? My Ts seem to be adjectives instead of nouns & verbs. This is way harder than I thought it was gonna be.

4. Toyota Trucks because they remind me of when I met The Ol' Man and the first time he let me drive his precious truck. Yeah, that's how you know when they love you. It's when they hand over the keys to their babies.

5. Text Messages on Yahoo. That's what I spend the majority of my time doing while I'm on the computer.

6. Toys that find their way to the toy box on their own, without my assistance and without being stepped on before they decide that their place is not in the middle of my floor.

7. Trouble Makers

7. Themes & Templates. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a huge obsession with searching through templates and creating my own.

8. Tadpole (The Ol' Man's real nickname) (I should move this up to #1 or 2 but I'm too lazy.)

9. TV Judges & Crime Shows - Hopelessly addicted to Judge Judy and Law & Order. I especially love SVU.

10. This game

10. Tenacious D - I love Jack Black to death.

Okay - That seriously was way harder than I thought it would be. I spent the last half hour saying "Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

Wanna give it a try?

*ETA - I'll update this with the links to the completed games. You can either come back and let me know you're done or just wait until it shows up in my reader and then I'll add it. And I decided I'd post a comment on your blog and use the first letter of your captcha to assign your letter.

Melanie D got the letter L
Posted on 4:15 PM by Chris and filed under | 2 Comments »

Spam To The Rescue

Luigi is home from school again today. Poor kid was still sick this morning when he woke up. He seems much better now. In fact, he just finally ate again for the first time in a couple days. He chowed down a Spam sandwich. Yes, that's right. I said Spam.

I don't make a habit of buying Spam. The Ol' Man is a truck driver and I bought this can thinking it would be something he could take with him on the road. Well, he didn't take it with him, so it's been sitting in my pantry ever since.

Luigi is a really piss me off* picky eater. I offered him at least 10 different meal ideas for lunch and he turned them all down. Then he decided to go look for himself. What does he come back with but this can of Spam.

"No, you can't eat that. It's at least 6 months old." Then it dawned on me that this stuff is suppose to have the shelf life of a Twinkie & will be what the cockroaches are living off of when we humans die from nuclear warfare. I checked the expiration date and it said Dec 2010. Woohoo, we're in business. The kid hasn't eaten in two days and needs something in his stomach. If the boy wants Spam... he's gettin' Spam.

I got out my griddle and some cheese thinking I'll fry it and make sandwiches out of it. As I'm fighting to get this hunk of meat out of its can, Luigi says "You're not gonna cook that are you?"

"Uhm... Yes. You have to cook it."

"Popo doesn't cook it."

-- Tune in today at 3 for another episode of 1001 Ways To Cook Spam, with your host, Luigi's grandpa.

So again, I read the can. "Fully cooked, ready to eat, cold or hot" Woohoo. But wait. What's this?? "Please do not use if..." I started back at the beginning of the paragraph so I wouldn't miss the FULL warning before I fed this stuff to my children.

Just below the diagrams of how to make a delicious Spamburger, which direction to slice your Spam and just how thick you should slice it (based on if you're an infant or a linebacker) it said "So. Now you know another of the many secrets of SPAM. This knowledge carries much responsibility. It gives you the power to feed yourself and others. You wield a delicious skill that has far-reaching consequences. Please do not use it for evil."

Lurkers beware! I have Spam and I know how to use it!!

*Note - I typed the span style for that strike-through and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work. Turns out I wrote spam instead of span.
Posted on 2:53 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 4 Comments »

My First Wordless Wednesday - The Monsters Reveal Themselves



For More Wordless Wednesday head over to 5 Minutes for Mom
Posted on 8:13 AM by Chris and filed under , | 3 Comments »

Feeling Guilty

No - It's not gonna be a juicy story... sorry..... just some blog brain guilt.

Something I try not to do is to leave links to my own posts/pages/sites in other people's comments. But you know what.... in the past hour.... I did it not once, but twice!! What the heck's up with that?

But dangit... I have good reason! The first post I was replying to was about laughter & the 2nd post had the word 'crap' in it twice. My comments included hints to go watch the video that I have in the sidebar of Text Imps right now.

That video has caused countless hours of laughter in my house over the past couple days. I was even asked to download it and put it on Luigi's mp4 player. That was fine by me because it meant he'd stop asking to use my computer to watch the youtube channel over and over.... and over...

And as far as 'crap', well, the little piggy in the video says Aww Crap. And it cracks me up every single time!!! He says it in some of his other videos, too and again, I laugh every single time!

Alright... I feel a little better now that I got that off of my chest. And I promise I won't do it again... Promise...
Posted on 8:59 AM by Chris and filed under | 5 Comments »

How Text Imps Got Its Start

Four score and seven years ago....

Okay, more like 4 months and 7 days ago... I was having a clickfest and checking out one blog after another. I came upon a post that brought me to tears. I immediately copied the link and e-mailed it to a few friends. Twenty minutes later, I sat at my desk, in fits of laughter. Again I copied the link and sent it. An hour passed and three more e-mails were sent out. Are you starting to see a pattern?

The next morning, one of my unlucky e-mail victims jokingly sent me a reply that said she loved all of the posts but maybe next time I should wait until I'm done for the night and I should send all of the links at once. Fine. Point made. Point taken.

A few weeks later, at the end of another trip through the blogosphere, I sent another e-mail. This one contained links to blogs, individual posts and funny profiles. I had stumbled on some of the most fabulous writers and I couldn't stand the thought of keeping such great reading material to myself. It's better than talkin' about the weather, right?

Again, I got a reply from that same friend. "Those writers are awesome! I'm gonna subscribe to most of them. I'm definitely NOT subscribing to 'Blog Name Removed For Fear of Public Beat Down'. I can't believe you thought 'Post Name Removed For Fear of Flogging' was so funny. That guy's a few french fries short of a Happy Meal." Hey, what can I say? We have different opinions about what's funny and what should just be deleted.

Her letter continued "I liked 99% of what I read and forwarded your links to a few people. You know, you're always looking for a new website project. Maybe that should be it. You could put all of those 'good' links on one website and maybe even let other people submit the ones they think are great. There are too many talented writers out there that aren't getting the kudos they deserve. By the way, did you notice that 'good' was in quotes? Feel free to run the links by me before you suggest them to other people. Your taste is... uhm... we'll just say unique."

Shortly after reading her message I wrote her a sweet little letter about where she could stick her moderating skilz. I also sent her all of the gross, distasteful and downright disgusting post links that I'd bookmarked for my own pleasure.

She replied with "OMG!!! That 8th link was hilarious!" Hmm... 8th link huh? I guarantee you that links 1-7 were downright shiver me timbers gross. But she continued reading. She's a smart woman. I know that she figured out after the first 2 reads that I was sending nothing but 'unique' links. But she kept reading. *snickers* She liked it. You know she did. I love that woman. LOL

And now you have it. The story behind how Text Imps got its start.

For those who think some of the posts I link to are disgusting, go ahead and send me a note. I'd be more than happy to send you my friend's address so you can inform her that she's falling behind on her monitoring duties.

Don't forget that it's Monday. How could ya right? Back to work... Yuck! But the good news is, our new featured authors are up at Text Imps.

*Side Note ~ Gross, distasteful & disgusting may have different meanings for you and I. I promise that no links to illegal or pornographic materials were sent. I'm not that crude!
Posted on 11:36 PM by Chris and filed under , | 4 Comments »

Boobie Boogers

I wanted to do this whole Fun With Google thing that I saw at Scientific Nature of the Whammy. But as I started doing my searches, I realized that my name has been taken over by one article after another about Christina Aguilera. So instead... you get to hear about boobie boogers.

This morning, Frogger woke up totally ticked off. She was screaming non-stop at the top of those powerful little lungs of hers. First, I checked to see if she was pulling her own hair, which she has a tendency to do. Yeah, she gets a handful of her hair, gives it a tug and since it hurts so badly, her arms start flailing and pulling harder and harder and she gets more and more pissed. Poor thing. I hope she figures it out soon!

Anyways, checked that her hair wasn't entangled in her little fist. All was fine. Then I undressed her and changed her diaper & clothes. Usually this calms her down and she'll start giving me those precious newborn smiles, but she didn't calm down at all. So I picked her up and was cradling her in my arms and she started rooting like she hadn't been fed since she was born 2 months ago.

I took her and laid down on the bed next to her and she started giving me hell. This isn't your typical little "I'm hungry" baby cry. No, no. She yells in short little segments like she's saying "Hurry the hell up! You're taking to long. What're you doing? Quit screwing off. Can't you tell I'm hungry?"

I get all set up and comfy and she gives me one last angry "Meh.na.blee.fu" and she latches on. She's going to town and I'm thinking "This is gonna really suck when she gets older and stronger. I won't live through it if she continues trying to suck my heart out through my chest!"

She's sucking so hard that she has pretty much stopped breathing. And then she lets out this huge breath. Along with the air comes this huge, nasty, green, slimy, snotty looking booger. Eww gross!! Now, being the mom of 5, boogers & snot don't really bother me anymore. But this was the first time I'd seen a booger shoot out of a nose and straight onto my boob. Bluck!

So I take my pinky nail and go to fetch this glob of goo off of myself. As I go to pick it up, Frogger inhaled really deep and sucked the damn thing right back up her nose. Bah...

About 5 seconds later, she exhaled and the booger shot out again. So, again, I go in to get it off of me. And again, she sucks it back up her nose. Have you ever had to time booger snatching? Yeah... not fun, is it?

This happened at least 5 more times in the span of a minute. Me, staring intently, waiting for the booger to reappear and Frogger screwing with me for making her wait so long to eat. It was at this time that I realized that my 11+ years of booger retrieval studies were failing me. It was also at this time that I realized that Boogie, my 3 year old, was really becoming independant. She goes after her own boogers now. She doesn't need her mommy anymore. *sigh*

On another note... This morning, after getting a few comments, e-mails and IM messages that my new design on Text Imps was "yay" and not "yuck", I went to look at my counter stats. Zero?? Zero hits?? Really? Were these people just yanking my chain? WTH? That aint nice. But suuuuuuuurely they wouldn't really do that.

Then, it dawned on me that in order to actually have stats tracked, you have to remember to put the tracker code on your site somewhere. Derrrrr

Thank you to those who went and checked out the new layout. And sorry for doubting you. Shame on me!!!
Posted on 10:07 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

New Site Design

Hooooo-leeeeeeee-Cow!! I am FINALLY finished... I think....

I've been working for the past few days on a new layout/template/theme (whatever you wanna call it) for Text Imps. I think I'm finally finished. Well, until someone informs me that something's broken. *crosses her fingers that it doesn't happen* Or until someone says "Hey I have an idea for something you could add/change/delete"

So to all who blogged and/or commented in the past couple days, I haven't forgotten you, I promise. I'm just sorta lagging. I have 40+ unread things in my reader and that's scary for me. Usually I'm waiting and waiting for someone to pleeeeeeeease post something for me to read. But now, I'm totally behind and am worried I won't catch up soon enough.

Plus I have to find a post & blog to feature next week on Text Imps. Man oh Man... Let's hope there's something good in that reader of mine or that someone submits something worth featuring.

But for now, I'm takin' my ass to bed! It's almost 3am and I have to get up at 7. Yuck!

Sidenote - If you can find a copy of Will Smith on David Letterman around Christmas time, you've GOTTA watch it. I sat here and laughed my ass off to the point of having tears running down my face.

Sidenote2 - Today was a great day. No injuries Hahaha But the night isn't quite over. I still have to stoke the fire and walk to my bed. Who knows what'll happen between now & when I arrive in Sleepy Land.
Posted on 2:39 AM by Chris and filed under , , | 6 Comments »

Inanimate Objects 5 - Chris 0

Yesterday, while replying to a comment about my broken toe, I was reminded of some more things I've done in the past couple weeks to injure myself.

First was folding up a cot and getting my finger pinched between two pieces of metal. 2 1/2 weeks later, I still have a blood blister on the pad of my index finger. It drives me nuts because every time I see it, I think there's dirt on there or something and I try to wipe it off.

Then, a few days later, I was washing laundry and had an argument with a couple laundry baskets. Needless to say, I lost. My 2nd place metal came in the form of a very deep gash on my pinky which still has a scab on it.

Then, last week, I was putting wood in the fire. Whenever I put a piece of wood in and it doesn't go in far enough or falls back out, I will take my tennis shoe and kick the wood back up in there. Sometimes the coal bed is just too hot to put my hands anywhere near the fire... so... I just kick it up in there. Well, last week, I was having issues with a piece of wood and I kicked that sucker back into the stove. Only problem was... I didn't have shoes on. DUH!!! Hello Pain!!

That very same night, while putting a piece of wood in the stove, I touched the door and branded myself. Now I have a nice scar on my arm that makes it look like I tried to slit my wrist.

I've decided to start a new section called Inanimate Object Smack Downs. LOL The section should get filled up pretty quickly. I hurt myself at least once a week and it's usually in the form of a jacked up toe.

Now... go over to My Very Last Nerve and give Gina shit about her broken toe from last August. Hahaa It looks WAY worse than mine. I mean.... I'm so sorry Gina about your unfortunate accident. *snickers*
Posted on 1:40 PM by Chris and filed under , | 6 Comments »

Chair 1 - Chris 0

One Of These Is Not Like The Others



Last night, I had a little argument with the rocker under the recliner. Let's just say I did not come out victoriously. It hurts all the way up to my knee. The sad thing is, this was not 10 seconds after I managed to slam my elbow into a crib. Sometimes I think I need to live in a padded room.

And just FYI - My foot is not as dirty as it looks. Seriously! LOL After I saw this picture I was like "Holy Hell my foot is filthy!" But I stuck it under a bright light and gave it a good look and I swear it's not dirty. Dumbass camera. Not only does it add 10 pounds, but it adds dirt.

Don't forget it's Monday. We have our new Post of the Week and Site of the Week up over at Text Imps.
Posted on 1:12 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , | 11 Comments »

What's Your Opinion On Comment Replies?

I'm new to the "blogging for the public" thing. My other blogs were always just for family. If someone would comment, I could just talk to them later or shoot them an e-mail or something. I had it all figured out.

But now, I've started this blog and am welcoming anyone to read (if they can stand to do so) and welcoming anyone to comment.

My question is, how do YOU go about responding to comments? Is there a right way? A wrong way?

I've had a couple people return replies by e-mail. I thought that was pretty neat that they took the time to send me a letter.

I've seen others who comment on their own post with their replies. Like @June-haha @John- I know dude! Yeah, kinda like that. But I wonder if the people they reply to ever get to see what the author's reply was.

And then there are the other blogs where I get no reply. I assume that's because there are 100+ comments and the author just doesn't have time to respond to each and every comment... and that's totally cool, too. I mean, sometimes, comments just don't need a reply.

So what do you do? What do you prefer that other authors do?

The only option you're not allowed to pick is to go to their blog and say "Thanks for stopping by my blog." We're just going to assume that we've passed that part of our new blogger friend relationship. =D
Posted on 11:29 AM by Chris and filed under , | 12 Comments »

Awake - The iPod Shuffle

I found this at Living In A Girl's World. It looked like fun and hers made me laugh so I thought I'd try it. Some of my answers ended up fitting the question so perfectly that it looks like I cheated... but I promise I didn't.

1. Put your MP3/Ipod player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer (questions below)

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS (option to put the name of artist in brackets next to it)

WHAT’S THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Lonely Day

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Dragula

WHAT WILL OPRAH’S NEXT SHOW BE CALLED?
Click Click Boom (hahaa)

WHAT WILL OBAMA’S FIRST EXECUTIVE ORDER BE?
Gasoline (I hope so cuz I'm sick of gas prices)

IF SOMEONE SAYS “FUCK YOU!” YOU SAY:
Out Of My Way (So very fitting)

IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU LOVE, IT WOULD BE?
Made of Scars

IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU HATE IT WOULD BE?
Running Blind (And hoping you slam into a wall)

WHAT WOULD YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY BE CALLED?
Save Me (Please people!! Save me!!)

WHAT IS LOVE?
Aerials

WHAT IS HATE?
Crazy Bitch (No shit!)

WHAT IS YOUR BEST TRAIT?
Get Stoned (Who told?? LOL I swear this one's not true)

WHAT IS YOUR WORST TRAIT?
Voodoo (Yeah - so go ahead and cross me beee-yotch)

WHERE WILL YOU BE IN FIVE YEARS TIME?
Runaway Train (Yay a train ride)

HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS DESCRIBE YOU?
Burning Bridges

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU?
One Thing (well dammit - what is it?)

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Remedy

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LOVER WOULD WHISPER IN YOUR EAR?
Through The Glass (Say what??)

WHAT WILL SAVE THE WORLD?
Serenity (yop)

WHAT IS SEXY?
Simple Man (yop...again)

WHAT IS FUNNY?
Fuck The System (Haha.. that IS funny)

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH?
Speak (or Speech for those of you who actually CAN speak)

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
Broken

WHAT DO YOU DREAM ABOUT?
Greed (Nuh-uh. Just about not being broke)

WHAT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARES?
Heroes

WILL YOU EVER FIND ‘THE ONE’?
The Unthinking Majority (Yeah, they didn't think I would.. but I did)

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?
Like Suicide (Like... yeah man... like.. rolls her eyes)

WHAT MAKES YOU SAD? “
Freak On A Leash (Can we switch this to the "what makes you happy" answer?)

WHAT’S THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD?
Alive

WHAT DO PEOPLE LOVE ABOUT YOU?
Just To Be The One To Be With You (I like this game)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Awake
Posted on 9:54 PM by Chris and filed under | 3 Comments »

Some Screenshots

Holy Frozen Snotcicles!!!
It's cold!!!
Didn't I tell you it was cold?!?
The SS is from 2am, but the temp is almost exactly the same now at 2pm.



And here's a screenshot about the post from the other day about Seacrest congratulating the blind dude on American Idol. The dude's an awesome singer by the way.



Last night's audition show wasn't any better. I hate this new format. 4 singers in an hour sucks!!

And what's with this new judge? I don't like her at all. She seems to have that "my shit don't stink" attitude. The only time I like her is when her and Paula gang up on Simon.

I like Simon by the way. I don't think I've ever disagreed with any of his comments about singers. I mean, either you're good... or y'aint.

The Ol' Man said last night that if it were him doing the judging, he'd be far harsher than Simon. IMO, they should change judging. Don't scream at the person who's auditioning. Instead, ream the guy who came to support the singer. How in the hell can you encourage your friend to go out and make a fool of himself? It just aint right!
Posted on 2:24 PM by Chris and filed under , , , | 3 Comments »

Fartalicious

I was just over at Text Imps looking around and thinking of doing some design changes. If you haven't been over there, go check it out. It's far more interesting than anything you'll find here.

Anywho.... On the front page, there's a link to a post by Cameron at Get The Stink Off. Check out my ads which are based on his post....



That's class baby!!!
Posted on 4:38 PM by Chris and filed under , , , | 1 Comments »

Ya Big Sissy

I love The Ol' Man dearly. I really do!! But sometimes I just want to stick my shoe straight up his ass!!!

For those who are unaware, it's freakin cold here today!! So cold that the kids were sent home early from school. So cold that The Ol' Man's load (he's a truck driver) was canceled for fear of the truck breaking down and him freezing to death in the 20 to 30 below windchill.

So last night, like every other cold winter night, I set my alarm and got up every 2 hours to check the fire. (Oh how I wish I had a normal furnace... you lucky bastards) And as normal, on the super super cold nights, I also left water running all over the house and flushed the toilet each time I got up so we wouldn't have to deal with frozen pipes.

Last night, the alarm rarely woke me up. I was up all night with Frogger. I don't know what her deal was but she just didn't want to sleep.

My family was nice and toasty all night long. And I was nice and toasty when, at 8am, I decided that I was going to bed and The Ol' Man could deal with the baby and the fire and all that good stuff.

Jump to 4 hours later. I wake up and I'm freezing!!! Get up, open the stove door and NO FIRE!!! What in theeeee hell!?!?

I can wake myself from wonderful sleeps and beautiful dreams just to make sure everyone is warm but you can't get your ass out of the chair and put a couple logs in the fire? You couldn't stop on your way to the bathroom where you shut off the running water (Derrrr) and put a log or 2 in there? DUDE!!!!!

Cut to 2 hours later....
I'm nice and toasty warm again, sitting here going through my feed reader and I look over at The Ol' Man who's sitting in his recliner watching a cartoon movie.... and crying!!!

"HEY?"
"Huh?"
"Are you still watching 'that cartoon'?"
"Yes"
"Are you seriously crying?"
"Shut up!!!"

LMAO -- Big sissy
And that's why I love him and why he can get away with not keeping the fire going.
Posted on 3:20 PM by Chris and filed under , , , | 4 Comments »

Dude!! He's Blind!!

I'm not a huge American Idol fan. The only part of the season I watch is the auditions and that's only because I love laughing at the people who can't sing for shit.

Tonight's episode only had 3 guys who made me laugh. 1 singer with a voice deeper than Barry White's, some dude that frankly... I have NO IDEA what the hell he thought he was doing, and then there was Ryan.

The last performer of the night was a blind guy. And the genius that he is, Ryan tried to high five him. ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!! Dude!! He's blind!! Did you really think he wouldn't leave you hangin??
Posted on 12:39 AM by Chris and filed under , , | 0 Comments »

Little Orphan Annie Decoder Pin

With Christmas only a couple of weeks in the past, I have Ralphie on the brain. Ralphie and his Little Orphan Annie decoder pin & of course the Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!!

Today begins the "up to 90 days" waiting period for my 8 year old son, Luigi.

First off... 90 days? Seriously?? Luigi was none to thrilled to hear that he'd have to wait so long for his Indiana Jones canteen (courtesy of Pop Tarts) He informed me that it will most likely come by the end of next week. And then informed me that it had better come by the end of next week or he will never eat another Pop Tart in his life.

Around here, ain't nothin' comes free. I'm proud to say that my kids know the value of a dollar. If they want something, they work for it and they save their money until they can afford it. There's no such thing as borrowing and paying me back later. If he's willing to swear off of Pop Tarts for all of eternity just because it takes awhile for his shit to show up, can you imagine what will happen if it never shows? All that hard work to earn $5.99 and nothing in return? Oh man...

FYI, I swell up with pride when they hear the words 'credit card' and begin a long winded speech about why credit cards suck and how it's better to just have a little self-control & discipline. "$1 for a box of candy or $100 for a box of candy. Which would you rather pay?" Okay, so maybe I exaggerated interest rates a tad bit, but... they understand my point.

My little boy is growing up. Sending away for his very first mail-in offer. Oh I'm so proud!! It broke my heart a little when he proudly trotted out to the mailbox, put his envelope inside and then realized he wouldn't be able to lift the ever so important red flag. The damn thing was frozen to the side of the mailbox. I knew this because I saw the look of horror on his face as he began shaking the flag like his life depended on it. Oh how I hate Illinois weather.

Don't forget that today is Monday. That means our new Site of the Week and Post of the Week is up at Text Imps.
Posted on 7:54 AM by Chris and filed under , | 3 Comments »

It Was The Dog

Have you ever been blaring the music in your headphones and decided your fart was going to be silent.... so you let it go... only to turn around and see everyone in the room staring at you and laughing... and then you realize it wasn't as silent as you thought?

No???

Just me???

Okay.... Just wondered.
Posted on 8:55 PM by Chris and filed under , | 5 Comments »

Chair Thief

Earlier, Frogger started crying so I went to her bed, changed her diaper and picked her up. After some "My mom's insane" talk and a few sweet little smiles, I went and sat in my recliner to feed her. All of a sudden, my butt started feeling wet.

Why??

Because Boogie had fallen asleep in the Ol' Man's chair while I was at the store today. Someone didn't feel the need to wake her up. Much easier to watch her while she's sleeping I suppose. Boogie is potty trained except when it comes to sleeping. She'd peed in his chair and rather than clean up the mess or get a towel to sleep on, the Ol' Man swapped chairs with me and didn't let me in on the fact that there was a piss puddle in my new chair.

Mighty nice of ya buddy...

I'm starting to see a pattern to my stories here. I wasn't sure what I was going to use this blog for, but I think I've figured it out. Maybe I should change the name to Coke On My Keyboard & Complaints On My Mind
Posted on 11:34 PM by Chris and filed under , | 0 Comments »

What's For Dinner

Friday
Me: I'm going to the grocery store. Is there anything in particular that you want?
Ol' Man: No, but don't forget that I'm going to the meat market on Monday.

Monday
Ol' Man: What's for dinner?
Me: Hot dogs, fries and mac-n-cheese.
Ol' Man: We don't have anything better?
Me: No, we don't have any meat. I only bought enough for the weekend.
Ol' Man: Oh.. okay. I'll go to the meat market in the morning.

Tuesday
Ol' Man: What's for dinner?
Me: Fish, shrimp & fries.
Ol' Man: Frozen stuff again?
Me: Ye-es. There's no meat.
Ol' Man: Oh.. okay. I'll go to the meat market in the morning.

Wednesday
Ol' Man: What's for dinner?
Me: What kind of meat did you put in the fridge?
Ol' Man: None of it. I put it all in the freezer.

Hey... at least he went to the meat market, right?
Posted on 10:52 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 3 Comments »

Comments

Apparently this template's comments were messed up or something. When visitors clicked the "Post Comment" link, it just shot them to the bottom of the page. Thanks you Dances for pointing it out. So I went ahead and changed my setting so you'll get the Blogger pop-up comment box thingy. I'm not really fond of that thing, but... oh well....
Posted on 10:35 AM by Chris and filed under | 2 Comments »

Good Enough

Well, I guess I've found my template. That was way quick! It's not totally finished but pretty damn close. I figure I'll wait until I have worthwhile stuff to put over there on the right sidebar rather than just throwing a bunch of shit up so it doesn't look bare.

I'm not use to using other people's designs but I've got so many projects going on right now that I just don't even have time to design something on my own. Plus it's gonna require learning more about Blogger & how their templates work. I'm experienced with Joomla & Wordpress, but this is my first go-round with Blogger.
Posted on 12:28 AM by Chris and filed under | 0 Comments »

Why

Post number 2 and the beginning of the WHY?!? section.

WHY?!? does my husband find it so impossible to understand that food does not belong in the sink?

You'd think that after 9+ years of being bitched at about it and after having spent 3 hours under the house a week ago, snaking said food out of a plugged drain... that he'd get it!!!
Posted on 9:31 PM by Chris and filed under , | 0 Comments »

My First Post

This is my first post at Coke On My Keyboard. I have no clue what I'm going to write about here. I just thought it was a great name and fit me so well that I had to register it.

For the next week, I probably won't post anything at all. For those who know me, you know I have a template obsession. So that, my friends, is what I'll be doing for the next few days. Finding templates I love, installing them, deciding I hate them and starting a search for a new one. And then I'll decide to just make one on my own. After 3 or 4 days at that, I'll decide I suck at site design and I'll go through the entire process again.

Wish me luck =D
Posted on 12:11 AM by Chris and filed under | 0 Comments »