Spin Cycle - Changes

When Jen from Sprite's Keeper announced that our Spin Cycle assignment this week was about change, the first thing that came to mind was diapers. After 11 years of changing diapers it's hard not to associate the word change with the word diaper.

The last time that Luigi wore a diaper was the day before he turned 3. All of the others took a couple more months. To make things easier, I'm going to use "3 years" as the cut off date in my math problem.

Also, to make the math problem a little more simple, we'll just use 6 as the average number of diaper changes per day. I know it's more like 8 (12 for some of my poop monsters) but... we'll just go with 6.

3 years = 1,095 days

1,095 days x 4 kids = 4,380 days

Frogger was born 102 days ago

4,380 days + 102 days = 4,482 days

4,482 days x 6 diapers a day = .............. Are you ready for it?

Seriously?? You ready??

Twenty-six THOUSAND eight hundred ninety-two diapers!!

And just think... I still have another 5,000 diapers to go with Frogger.

(Is anyone else thinking about the episode of Spongebob where Patrick & Spongebob raise the baby clam??)

(Is anyone else really jealous of the parents who use cloth diapers? I wish I had that sort of control over my gag reflexes. Kudos to you guys!!)
Posted on 7:39 AM by Chris and filed under , , | 15 Comments »

You Capture - First Installment

Photobucket
Beth, at I Should Be Folding Laundry, has come up with a new carnival called You Capture.

Our first assignment was to take a picture of something we love, without using flash. I immediately started snapping pictures of Frogger. She's the only one that holds still long enough for me to take a picture without tracers.

Imagine my surprise when she decided to pose for all of you and show you her "I.Am.Rotten" look. This can also be referred to as the "I have you wrapped around my little finger" look or the "Watch how I make my mommy stop everything she's doing just to come play with me" look.

Frogger is only 3 months old and look at this face!!! I am SOOOO in trouble!





ETA: I think I'm gonna have to sign up for a flickr account. I feel bad for not leaving comments on the pictures that are being hosted there (rather than a blog) for the carnival.

For those who ARE only submitting using flickr... I didn't leave my mark, but I promise I looked. =D And so far, all I see is awesomeness!!
Posted on 11:59 AM by Chris and filed under , , , | 17 Comments »

Long Rant About Ignorance

The whole thing started off yesterday, when Luigi, my 3rd grader, told me about a spelling game they play in class. The students line up, the teacher says a word and as a group, the students spell out the word, each taking their turn at the next letter. If you get the letter wrong, you sit down and you're out of the game. The last person left standing is the winner & they get a prize. Cool beans! Makes sense & it's a good incentive for learning.

Now, here's the catch. If you're the person who says the last letter of the word, you're also out. How is that fair? How is that right? You correctly answer the question and you're punished for it? Yeah... okay then.... And then Luigi informed me that they play this game 2 or 3 times a week and so far he's been one of the "winners" a grand total of 3 times. There are only 6 kids in his class so this number is outrageous to me.

Apparently Luigi shares the same enthusiasm over losing and missing out on a prize. He was being stubborn about something and his teacher had the nerve to say "You're just mad because you didn't win the game." Yeah... well I'd be mad, too. And actually... I am.

After that discussion, he handed me a note. It was a letter that he had written to me as part of his punishment for his atrocious behavior at school yesterday. In addition to having to write this letter (and have it signed) he wasn't allowed to play at recess. Care to guess what he did? You'll never in a million years guess.

Luigi.... was holding his breath. Yeah... that's all. Just holding his breath. No apparent reason. Just sitting at his desk... minding his own business & holding his breath. Here's how our conversation went:
Luigi: Are you mad?
Me: No. Just don't do it again if she has such a problem with it. What exactly did she say to you?
Luigi: She said "do you think that's funny?!?!?"
Me: What'd you say?
Luigi: *shrugs*
Me: You should've just been honest and said yes.
Luigi: *giggles* I did.
Me: Well good. She shouldn't have asked such a stupid question.

Okay... so that's all fine and good. Maybe something about what he was doing was disrupting the class. I don't know. The recess thing kinda ticks me off, too. But what really makes me mad is this letter. It said something like "Dear Mom. I am writing to tell you that I got in trouble today for holding my breath. I should not do this. I could pass out and have to be taken to the hospital. I could also die. Now I know why I should not hold my breath and I will not do it again."

It was at this point that I realized that he was lectured about how dangerous it is to hold his breath. It was also at this point that what I've been saying this entire school year was confirmed! His teacher, is an idiot!!

Hello!! McFly!!! You absolutely cannot die from holding your breath. Not unless you were to pass out and hit your head on something. And in that case, your death would be caused from a fall, not from holding your breath. If he were strangling himself, totally different scenario! But your body is equipped to say "Alright, you're being an idiot. I'll take over from here." And at that point you will either gasp for air or you will, in fact, pass out. (I would bet $1,000 that 95% of the people in the world do not have the will power to hold their breath to this extent.)

Next up came his math homework. "The school has 14 books. There are 3 classrooms. Divide the books equally between the classrooms and give the left overs to the library."

So, being the math whiz that he is.... He says "That's 4 books per class and 2 for the library." Good job. Problem solved. Move on.

No. No. No. First he has to draw a picture and separate the books into groups. When I see him drawing these pictures, I always imagine him being an accountant and drawing a thousand little pictures of dollar signs on his notepad, dividing them into groups and counting them. It's just ridiculous!!

So, after he draws the picture, he has to write sentences to explain the steps he took to figure out the answer. THEN he has to explain WHY he took those steps. BTW, this caused a 5 minute discussion about why it's not okay to simply write "Because it's the right way to do it." LOL

That simple little math problem, the one he answered in 10 seconds, took 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes were spent on him trying to explain to me how his teacher wanted him to do the problem. (Which was TOTALLY jacked up) Another fifteen were spent on me trying to explain that mathematics is the one and only universal thing on Earth with a couple "Your teacher is a moron"'s thrown in there for good measure. Five minutes explaining the polite way to tell his teacher that she can feel free to give me a call!!!!!!!! And the rest of the time trying to come up with a reason besides "Because it's the right way to do it."

This isn't the first time that he's come to me with math problems and explained the genius way his teacher wants him to solve the problem. My biggest issue is that the things he's learning NOW are just the basics that will be needed in the future. It ticks me off to no end to know that she's teaching him the incorrect way to figure out problems and he'll have to relearn all of those skills, the right way.

Okay... Last part of this rant. There are MANY more examples that I'd love to share with you but at this point, my post is already way overdue for an ending.

This year, they've started learning cursive handwriting. Now, think back to when you were in school. Do you remember the big letters that they put above the chalkboard? The ones that demonstrated the correct way to write letters? The ones that, even though it's been 20+ years since you stared at those letters for 7 hours a day, the image is still imprinted in your brain?

Okay... now... imagine that I told you that even though you see those letters all day, every day, you are NOT allowed to write the letters in the same manner that you're seeing them. No. No. No. You must refer to the handwriting book that you've been given.

To me, that's the equivalent of putting a huge poster on the wall that says 2+2=5 and then expecting the students to just remember that the answer is incorrect.

Why???? WHY would you do that????????

End Rant...

Oh hey -- BTW -- I put up the new Site of the Week & Post of the Week at Text Imps yesterday. Make sure you check it out. And pay VERY close attention to the Site of the Week. It's important!

ETA: I should also point out that I love teachers! I think they're under appreciated and under payed. I'm just saying..... this one..... Luh-who-zuh-her!
Posted on 1:52 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

It's Interview Time

The awesomely awesome Stacie, from Stacie's Madness offered to send me some interview questions. I tried... REALLY I DID... I tried to be serious and answer these questions in a professional manner but... DUDE!! So not me. So you're gonna get this in true Chris fashion. Translated.... It's a jacked up interview and I'm just as lame as ever. Heheee...

1) What is your greatest achievement?
I'm very proud of the fact that I can take my children out into the world and no killing will occur. I will not want to kill them. They will not try to kill each other. And I won't feel like killing myself.

And speaking of kids, I gave birth to all 5 of them without a drop of pain killers. Not by choice, mind you. But I did it just the same. According to the doctor who you can hear in the background of the video that I took 2 minutes after Frogger was born, I'm a very strong lady.

But seriously, my only real achievement that I can think of, is that at age 25, I bought my house outright. That's right. I don't owe a penny on it. I also own all of my vehicles.

2) If you could do ONE thing over in your life what would it be? If you wouldn't redo, why not?
That chicken I ate yesterday... OMG!! My stomach still hasn't settled down.

I've always wished that I could've avoided the whole ex-husband part of my life. But without that part, I wouldn't have 2 of my children. I also wouldn't know just how good I have it now. So.. scratch that one.

On that same note, I wish that when I found out the SOB was cheating on me that I had gone ahead and beat the crap out of the person he was cheating with. I swear I'm not a violent person but, I always wondered if I'd have felt better about the whole thing.

Now, had I actually DONE that, this answer would probably be "I wish I hadn't beat the crap out of her." LOL And I know that many people will think "Well, HE is the one that promised to love you and not hurt you, so don't blame her" but in this situation, you'd be wrong. She was my best friend and that little part of the equation makes her just as guilty.

Hmm... Did I actually answer this question yet? Uhm.....
Okay. I can't think of any life altering changes...
No wait, I just did.

I would go back and make the doctors understand that my grandmother's pain was not in her head. I would've insisted that they did more tests until they figured out what was wrong with her. I would've made sure that they figured it out BEFORE the cancer was allowed to spread throughout her body so badly that there was nothing that could be done about it.

Losing Grandma was the hardest thing I've EVER had to deal with in my entire life. If there was anything that I could do to make it so she were still here.... that's the part that I would do over. And if that change resulted in no more ovarian cancer EVER..... then that would be even better.

3) If you had the chance to have a date with a famous person who would it be and what would you do?
Josh Blue! And if you don't know who Josh Blue is then, shame on you! You have no idea what you're missing. Go look him up on YouTube or something.

And if you DO know who he is and you're rolling your eyes.... screw you & the horse you rode in on. LOL I love that guy to death!!!!! One day I'll take a picture of my autographed picture for you.

We'd probably end up somewhere like Chuck E Cheese where he would undoubtedly kick my butt at any of the sports games.

But seriously.... No seriously!! Josh Blue is my answer! And if he's unavailable, then I'd love to smoke a big fat fatty with Willie Nelson. (And no, this doesn't mean I'm a pothead. But I WOULD partake if Willie was passin!!)

4) If you were an animal, which one would you be and why?
Hmm.... Maybe I would be a dog because I always have my nose in other people's business.

Maybe a monkey because I like to climb and make weird noises and I've been known to throw poop.

The real answer would probably be a fish. I love water and I have the same memory capacity as a fish. "Oh look! A castle! *swim swim swim* Oh look! A castle!"

5) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Right here, sitting on my butt, staring at a computer screen. That's actually the honest truth, too. I've been mulling over some new ideas for online businesses. Hopefully at least ONE of my ideas will pan out and I can continue to stay at home with my kiddos.

It would be awesome if one of my jobs would allow hubby to stay home, too. With the exception of trying to feed 7 people and the normal "kid expenses" it really doesn't take much money for us to survive. So this goal is actually something I can see being fullfilled (if I could stop reading blogs and put some time into working lol)

Now....... If YOU would like to be interviewed, by yours truly, just leave a note in the comments and I'll send you 5 questions. Or you can drop me a note at textimps [at] gmail [dot] com. If you request an interview via comments and you don't have your questions within 24 hours, send me an email because APPARENTLY your address is no-reply@blogger.com (oh how I hate that address)
Posted on 2:37 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 14 Comments »

Some Screenshots

Nothin' goin' on around here lately. The Ol' Man has been gone since Monday and right now, he's 20 miles up the road & sleeping at a truckstop. How horrible is that!?!? 20 itty bitty miles and I can't see him. If the yard wasn't all mushy from the rain he'd just pull the semi up into the yard and sleep at home... but nooo........ dang rain!!!!!

Since I have absolutely nothing to talk about tonight (other than whining that I miss hubby) I figured I'd post some screenshots that I've taken over the past month or so.

First up.... we have the stats from one of my website counters.




That wasn't very impressive but... look what happened when I just tried to upload it to blogger. This is kinda creepy....






Alright... this one's better.






As if the BIG WORDS weren't bad enough... they go and add 'Roid LOL

And here's the last one (because I just realized how bad these pictures look when I use this blogger upload stuff)






Grrrr You can't even READ that.

What it says is Ticker: Raccoons attack the White House.

When I read this for the first time, I spit Coke On My Keyboard!! Thoughts of Forrest Gump and "Mama just chased them away with a broom" came flooding in.

*** ETA -- I feel like I ripped ya'll off with this post. So I'm going to add more junk to it. See how nice I am. LOL

My cousin just sent this to me a couple minutes ago. I've seen it before, but it's still funny. Thought I'd share in case YOU haven't seen it.

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

From Ms Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime,
the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms . Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'
Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN
Posted on 11:00 PM by Chris and filed under , | 7 Comments »

Spinning My Wheels And Looking For A Tow Truck

**Warning -- Just turn back now.... seriously... By the time you finish reading this, you'll hate yourself (and me) for wasting your valuable time. **


I have a million and one things going through my head right now. I have tons of projects that I could work on and 2 tons of projects that I'd like to start. Problem is, I just don't know WHERE to start.

I feel like my other blog needs a complete overhaul. Also, I have a game site that I'd love to redesign. On top of that is this blog. I love that header up there, but it's not mine. Do you know how nuts it makes me to use someone else's layout? I shudder every single time I open this thing. It drives me absolutely bonkers.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about starting some sort of blog design business. I've talked to a few other designers and they've given me lots of great tips but I just don't know where to start. Maybe the first step would be to set myself up with a design. *laughs*

Another problem I have is the fact that, with my luck, anyone who would want to use my service would like "pretty". I am SO not into pretty! Black is my thing. I love black. I've designed things in the past that were pink and purple and frilly and I wanted to gag every step of the way. The customers were happy, but I hated it!!!

(Sidenote -- Who are these weirdos that keep finding me on Twitter? And... when I message all ya'll, do you think the same thing about me? LOL "Who's this weirdo??" ?? )

What about these pictures that the other designers are using? The mommy cartoon characters. Do they draw them on their own or is there some secret society of underground cartoon sharing sites (that made no sense) where they just swap cartoons back and forth?

I'm just thinking outloud right now. Ya'll feel free to find something else to read before this jibber-jabber causes brain damage.

Still here? Alright, well... answer me this. Do any of you do design work? Do you have any tips? Would you like a lackey? Do you have any tips? Did I say that already?

I seriously need to find SOMETHING to do!!!

Anyone want a new layout? Anyone need some functionality added to their wordpress blog but just can't figure out how to do it?? You can find a link to all of my contact info over ---->> there, up at the top.

Dooot-dee-doooo La-la-la

Bored Bored Bored....

Anyone online and just want to chat? LMAO!!

Bueller..... Bueller.......
Posted on 11:37 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 11 Comments »

Yeah Okay Nevermind

I totally changed my mind on that whole carnival idea from yesterday. I decided I need to do a little more thinking on it before I try and use it. Meh... Oh well... One of these days.

Not much going on at the moment. It's only 7:30 in the morning though.

Lots to do today but the first thing I'm gonna do is go back to bed!!!!!!
Posted on 7:28 AM by Chris and filed under | 4 Comments »

Pictures And Stuff


You know what I call this? A crying shame!!

Do you see it? Right there? In front of the dog?

Right there!!! The brown thing!! Yes!! That's chocolate!! On the floor!!!

Someone wasted a perfectly good piece of chocolate and I am NOT happy about it.

And if you look closely, you can see that the rest of the chocolate is already gone from the heart-shaped box. *sigh* Such a tragedy.

LOL - Someone was apparently running around half naked during this picture. I just spotted a pair of pants, too.

I can't wait for the dog's molting too be done! The house is covered in hair. If you think the rug looks bad, you oughtta see my black bed spread. It's gray now, from all of the hair.


And this picture? This one is a true testimate to a few of my many skills. That's right. Skills I say.

First, we have the skill of being able to serve meals for days without the need for the dishes that are piled in the sink.

And, if you don't count being able to stack 12 plastic bowls, 3 glass bowls, 3 saucers, 8 glass plates and 1 plastic plate in a single dish drainer as a skill... well... then I suggest you show me what passes for talent 'round these here parts.

And when you're done with that, head over to Text Imps. I finally got the Post of the Week and Site of the Week added a couple of hours ago. Sorry about the delay.

Oh.. AND.... There's a new post up at Christian's Kingdom, too. He had his stuff ready for posting over a week ago and I ... well... I kept forgetting to post it for him. I finally found a program to make his recordings quieter. I thought his last recording was going to make my ears bleed!!!! So I HAD TO find a way to fix that.

Make sure you come back tomorrow. I think I've come up with a new blogging game (or maybe you call it a carnival) that ya'll might like.

Well look at me. I'm just little Ms. Bossy today aren't I? Visit this, visit that, come back tomorrow.

Why are you still here??? Move It Mister!!!!!!!!
Posted on 2:10 PM by Chris and filed under , , , | 10 Comments »

It's Coming To Get You AGAIN!!!!

This week's Spin Cycle is all about laughter. What makes you laugh so hard that you end up with Coke On YOUR Keyboard? For my Spin I'm going to repost an entry from just a few days ago.

For those of you who've already seen this entry, skip down to the stars at the bottom because I've added more info.

For those who haven't seen it.. I hope you enjoy. =D

Last Monday, I took a trip to the gas station (18 miles round trip) and got Coke & bread. Guess what I drove. Yeah... The hearse... *shivers* I kept doddling and seriously just didn't want to drive that thing. As I got ready to leave, I told The Ol' Man "I'll be back soon... if the zombies don't eat me." His response?? "It's not the zombies you have to worry about. It's the creepy black shadows that jump around in the back." GUH!!!!!!! Ass!! Like I SERIOUSLY needed to hear that!!

I went out and checked to make sure I could open the gas cap. Didn't feel the need to drive 9 miles and figure out I was too stupid to operate it.... or unlock it. Then I peeked into the back to make sure there were no zombies, cats, homeless people or monsters in there. Unlocked the door and got in. At this point I'm totally surprised to see that my brother has removed the window that once separated the driver from the boogieman casket. Crap...

Then I had a nice little conversation with myself about how stupid I was being.

Self, you're being stupid. Don't be a sissy about this. It's not like they carried souls in the car.
What is that smell?
I mean, by the time the hearse got the body, it was nothing more than skin & bones. There weren't even organs left. Right?
Seriously - What the hell is that smell?
I mean... the ambulance always picked up the body to take it to the morgue... right? Or a coroner's car maybe. Hell, a minivan came and got Grandma.
How bad would that suck? If one of my last rides is in a minivan, I will come back and haunt everyone that had anything to do with it. Oh man. What if someone else had to ride in a minivan? I bet that ticked them off. What if....
They don't use the hearse for this sort of stuff. Only for transferring from the funeral home to the cemetery.
If someone comments to set me straight on this lie I've convinced myself of.. so help me....
Okay, just turn around, start it up and go. Oh, check that out. This dash is just like the Caddy I drove in high school. That's cool.
What was that? Is there someone behind me?
Cool. It even does the self leveling thing. Holy crap it's cold. Where's the heater. Does this thing even have a heater?
You don't want a heater in a hearse dumbass. Hot dead bodies stink.
Oh, there's the heater buttons. I forgot they hide them in these Cadillacs.
Oh man, is that what that smell is? Did someone put the heater on too hot? Is that dead body stench? Maybe it's formaldehyde.
Aww yes. Heat. I thought they said it was suppose to be warm today. Lyin' asses. Alright, let's see if I can pull this thing out of here without hitting anything or getting stuck in the mud.

Holy crap someone needs to bleed these brakes.
Bleed... bleeding... blood. I wonder if blood ever spilled out into the back of the car. No. No blood. Just skin & bones. Skin.and.bones!
Why is this jerk on my ass? He's gonna end up slamming into me and killing us both.
How ironic would it be to die in a hearse.
Yeah... just keep starin' asswod. Yes I'm a girl. Yes I'm driving a hearse. Pass me and get it over with.
OMG What if he sees something behind me. Maybe I can't see it because the reflection won't show up in the mirror. You can't see vampires in mirrors right?
Is this speedometer wrong? Why is everyone passing me? I'm going 62. That's well over the speed limit. Okay. This guy's staring at me, too. What is wrong with these people?
OMG What was that!?? I saw something. There's something behind me. Oh.... that was my head in the mirror.
Let's just adjust this mirror here... Why is there even a mirror in this thing? It's not like you can see out the back with all these curtains.
Maybe it's so you can see them when they reach out to grab your head and suck your brains out through your ear.
Go idiot! You have the right of way. See, when you get to the 4-way stop before me, you go first. Frickin' morons! I swear!!

OMG it's cold out here. I knew I was gonna be pumping gas. I should've worn gloves.
*peek into back of car* No boogie man. *go in and pay* *peek into car* No boogie man.
Go idiot!! Come on! People in this town shouldn't be allowed to have licenses.

Wow! Is that a coyote? That looks a lot like my dog. I always thought she was probably part coyote but now that I see that one running....
OMG What was that? Ok. I definitely saw something that time. I am not driving this stupid thing again.
I really do think she must be part coyote.

*walk through the front door*
Ol Man - "So, how was it? Were you all freaked out?"
Me - "I was fine. I was only kidding about being spooked. Ya know, if it had room for more than 3 people to ride in it, I'd actually think about keeping it. But, since it doesn't, I guess we have to get rid of it. That kinda bums me out."

LmAo -- SHuT Up!

********

So last night... Hubby gets home late and I'm too tired to cook dinner and I suggest we order a pizza. We live out in the middle of no where and pizza places don't deliver this far out in the boonies. This meant that I'd have to go get the pizza myself.

Fast forward to 25 minutes later... I'm in the car. And it's dark. Very dark. I look into my rear view mirror and I KID YOU NOT!!! There was a shadow behind me. And not one of my imaginary shadows!!!

I didn't just glance at this shadow. No, I studied it. Because this time, I knew it was ACTUALLY there. It was there! And it was behind me! And I was petrified.

So I'm sittin' there 100% freaked out. Staring at this shadow that's behind me on the door and I start contemplating my escape route.

Dead serious... I start thinking about bailing out of this car at 60 mile an hour!! Had my 8 year old not been riding shot gun, I may have actually jumped.

But then... the shadow was gone!!!
OMG Where did it go? Did it move closer? Is it right behind me now? I'm dead. I'm gonna die. This thing is gonna reach out and grab hold of me.

Pictures of Eleanor from The Haunting start flashing through my mind and I'm waiting for my hair to start moving. And then... the shadow was back. It was back. And in the same spot. No doubt about it, this was not a figment of my overactive imagination.

All of a sudden, something made my leg itch. Not wanting to lose sight of the shadow and allow it to sneak up on me while I wasn't looking, I carefully stared in my rear view mirror as I leaned down to scratch my leg. As I bent down I noticed that the shadow moved, too. This of course scared the crap out of me and I sat straight back up in my seat. And again... the shadow moved. This time growing taller.

With a very puzzled look on my face, I pushed the fear aside, leaned down again and watched the shadow move with me. I sat up... and so did the shadow.

It was at this moment that I realized that I am, in fact, afraid of my own shadow.

So let this be a lesson to you. You should never consider jumping out of a moving car because you believe there are ghostly spirits hitching a ride. It's just a really bad idea!

Now head over to The Daily Wit and share a bad idea.

And don't forget to have your Spin finished & submitted by February 20th.

Posted on 8:39 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

45 Minutes of Hell

Now that my panic attack has slightly subsided, let me tell you what just happened.

My son rides the bus home from school and generally arrives between 3:30 and 3:35. At 3:45 I started to wonder where he was.

3:50 - I started to worry. I called next door to see if he'd gone to my in-laws'. Thoughts of crazy students with guns & my son hiding under a desk in terror & overturned busses with dead children started flowing through my mind.

3:55 - I went outside in hopes of seeing the bus come over the hill. I was met in the yard by an in-law and was informed that there were tornadoes in The Ol' Man's path. This was in addition to the knowledge I received from The Stiletto Mom this morning about gale force winds and hail in his destination point of Texas, which already had me worried.

4:00 - I called the grade school 3 times with no answer and was apparently freaking out because, for the life of me, I couldn't remember a single phone number out of the 4 I have.

4:05 - I tried to find the high school's phone number with no luck. Tried to find the bus driver's number with no luck. Tried to call my mom because I know she has his number... no luck.

4:10 - Called next door again. Called the grade school a few more times and recited the phone numbers that I had written down.

4:15 - I'm fully dressed and ready to go out the door when babysitter comes in.

4:17 - Luigi walks through the front door, we all let out a huge sigh of relief and begin the "Where Were You?!?!?" questioning as well as the ranting about the lack of contact from the school.

Apparently, the bus got stuck in deep mud in someone's drive-way.

4:20 - I try to get hold of hubby. No answer. Try again. No answer. Great!!! A tornado has picked up his truck and slung him who knows where!! He's probably dead. Or hurt and stuck under his truck in a field where no one will find him for days. ANSWER THE PHONE!!!!

4:25 - Hubby finally answers the phone. He says everything's fine. The weather is beautiful. We chat for a minute and he's instructed to call his dad.

4:30 - I remember that while I was outside, I checked the mail and received a package. I retrieve the package and don't recognize the name on it. I open it in anticipation of some wonderful gift that one of my new found blogging friends has sent me. What will it be?? I'm so excited!!!

Parts for a saw?? Meh....... I totally forgot I had ordered chainsaw parts from eBay. Talk about disappointed.

4:45 - All is well in Over Active Imagination Land.
Posted on 4:29 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 17 Comments »

I Miss My Sweety

Being a truck driver's wife has its moments. Yes, it's nice to not have that extra person to clean up after & cook for. But I'd trade that in in a heartbeat to have my honey home with me & to be able to see him daily.

I'd love to be able to send him messages throughout the day & quick notes to tell him that the kids & I are thinking about him.

Have you seen this new thing called the Peek? 20 bucks a month and no contract! I so want one!!
You, too? Well... check out this giveaway at Musings of A Housewife.
Posted on 2:07 PM by Chris and filed under | 6 Comments »

It's Coming To Get You

The Ol' Man just left for another week on the road. He's going back to Texas again. Let that be warning to anyone who lives between Illinois & Texas. Bad weather is on your way! Remember last week when Kentucky, Arkansas & even Texas froze over? Yeah. Totally The Ol' Man's fault. Bad weather follows him wherever he goes. Actually, it doesn't follow him. It tries to stay about 10 miles ahead of him.

I took a trip to the gas station this morning (18 miles round trip) and got Coke & bread. Guess what I drove. Yeah... The hearse... *shivers* I kept doddling and seriously just didn't want to drive that thing. As I got ready to leave, I told The Ol' Man "I'll be back soon... if the zombies don't eat me." His response?? "It's not the zombies you have to worry about. It's the creepy black shadows that jump around in the back." GUH!!!!!!! Ass!! Like I SERIOUSLY needed to hear that!!

I went out and checked to make sure I could open the gas cap. Didn't feel the need to drive 9 miles and figure out I was too stupid to operate it.... or unlock it. Then I peeked into the back to make sure there were no zombies, cats, homeless people or monsters in there. Unlocked the door and got in. At this point I'm totally surprised to see that my brother has removed the window that once separated the driver from the boogieman casket. Crap...

Then I had a nice little conversation with myself about how stupid I was being.

Self, you're being stupid. Don't be a sissy about this. It's not like they carried souls in the car.
What is that smell?
I mean, by the time the hearse got the body, it was nothing more than skin & bones. There weren't even organs left. Right?
Seriously - What the hell is that smell?
I mean... the ambulance always picked up the body to take it to the morgue... right? Or a coroner's car maybe. Hell, a minivan came and got Grandma.
How bad would that suck? If one of my last rides is in a minivan, I will come back and haunt everyone that had anything to do with it. Oh man. What if someone else had to ride in a minivan? I bet that ticked them off. What if....
They don't use the hearse for this sort of stuff. Only for transferring from the funeral home to the cemetery.
If someone comments to set me straight on this lie I've convinced myself of.. so help me....
Okay, just turn around, start it up and go. Oh, check that out. This dash is just like the Caddy I drove in high school. That's cool.
What was that? Is there someone behind me?
Cool. It even does the self leveling thing. Holy crap it's cold. Where's the heater. Does this thing even have a heater?
You don't want a heater in a hearse dumbass. Hot dead bodies stink.
Oh, there's the heater buttons. I forgot they hide them in these Cadillacs.
Oh man, is that what that smell is? Did someone put the heater on too hot? Is that dead body stench? Maybe it's formaldehyde.
Aww yes. Heat. I thought they said it was suppose to be warm today. Lyin' asses. Alright, let's see if I can pull this thing out of here without hitting anything or getting stuck in the mud.

Holy crap someone needs to bleed these brakes.
Bleed... bleeding... blood. I wonder if blood ever spilled out into the back of the car. No. No blood. Just skin & bones. Skin.and.bones!
Why is this jerk on my ass? He's gonna end up slamming into me and killing us both.
How ironic would it be to die in a hearse.
Yeah... just keep starin' asswod. Yes I'm a girl. Yes I'm driving a hearse. Pass me and get it over with.
OMG What if he sees something behind me. Maybe I can't see it because the reflection won't show up in the mirror. You can't see vampires in mirrors right?
Is this speedometer wrong? Why is everyone passing me? I'm going 62. That's well over the speed limit. Okay. This guy's staring at me, too. What is wrong with these people?
OMG What was that!?? I saw something. There's something behind me. Oh.... that was my head in the mirror.
Let's just adjust this mirror here... Why is there even a mirror in this thing? It's not like you can see out the back with all these curtains.
Maybe it's so you can see them when they reach out to grab your head and suck your brains out through your ear.
Go idiot! You have the right of way. See, when you get to the 4-way stop before me, you go first. Frickin' morons! I swear!!

OMG it's cold out here. I knew I was gonna be pumping gas. I should've worn gloves.
*peek into back of car* No boogie man. *go in and pay* *peek into car* No boogie man.
Go idiot!! Come on! People in this town shouldn't be allowed to have licenses.

Wow! Is that a coyote? That looks a lot like my dog. I always thought she was probably part coyote but now that I see that one running....
OMG What was that? Ok. I definitely saw something that time. I am not driving this stupid thing again.
I really do think she must be part coyote.

*walk through the front door*
Ol Man - "So, how was it? Were you all freaked out?"
Me - "I was fine. I was only kidding about being spooked. Ya know, if it had room for more than 3 people to ride in it, I'd actually think about keeping it. But, since it doesn't, I guess we have to get rid of it. That kinda bums me out."

LmAo -- SHuT Up!

... And head over to Text Imps cuz I put up the Post of the Week & Site of the Week last night.
Posted on 10:37 AM by Chris and filed under , , , | 10 Comments »

Let Me Out NOW & A Thank You

About 30 minutes ago, the Ol' Man asked "Who wants to go take a ride in the hearse?"
Princess - No way!
Tab - ME!
Luigi - ME!
Boogie - I go! I go!
Frogger - *crickets chirping*

The Ol' Man decided Tab would be the one to go. He just wanted to take it for a ride around the country block and make sure it was gonna get him to Indy tomorrow.

They left and went for their test drive. When they came home, Tab walked in with this "Holy Hell!!!" look on his face. The Ol' Man was as giggly as a school girl. I thought he must've just been driving crazily or something.

I asked Tab "So... how did it feel riding in a car of DEATH?"
Ol' Man busts a gut!!!!!
Tab "I didn't know that's what it was!!!!!!! Not until we were half way down the road and he told me. I thought you just put a table* in the back!"

LMAO - I guess when Tab was informed of what the car was actually used for, his eyes bugged out and he was ready to get out and walk home!

On another note, THANK YOU to all who stopped by Luigi's website. He's was thrilled to see that he had comments AND a subscriber. You guys are awesome!! =D

If any of you have children with their own blogs and you'd like me to come by and check them out you can either leave a comment here or at Luigi's site. You can also e-mail me at textimps [at] gmail [dot] com if you'd prefer to not publicize the address.

*Table - We are a fleamarketing family and any vehicle we've ever owned that was big enough to haul tables... has.
Posted on 11:12 AM by Chris and filed under , , , | 6 Comments »

The World of An 8 Year Old

Lots of work to do right now. Dishes, baths to give, cleaning the house, making lunch... ya know.. all that super duper fun I'm the mom stuff.

I'll spare you a post from my tired mind and let you go check out my son's new blog. It's called Christian's Kingdom. Basically, what we're doing is, he does a recording and I type it all out for him. His recording are there on each post. Just a little warning -- If you decide to listen to the recordings, turn down your sound first and then adjust it accordingly. It's SUPER loud and I haven't figured out how to make it quieter.

His most recent post is an interview with each of his 3 sisters.... including the 2 month old. Needless to say, she kinda snubbed him. LOL

He just started the blog a couple of days ago so there's not much to read. But I'm sure he'd be all sorts of excited to see comments from people other than his mom & grandmas. I know he went crazy when he linked to Putnam Pig and Putnam came over and left a comment. (See. Blogrolls DO work)

Remember that he's only 8 and comments should be age appropriate. I don't mean baby talk LOL I just mean watch the language. Links should also be age appropriate. If, like my blog, it's not something he should be reading, then please leave it out. But you can come HERE and post your link. =D

Thank You in advance to all who go visit him =D
ChristiansKingdom.com
Posted on 12:57 PM by Chris and filed under | 4 Comments »

Take A Ride With Me On This Journey Through Life


Green = My Own Picture


Red = This picture was stolen is being borrowed.



When I was a teenager, my dad bought one of these...



The Chevy didn't have power steering. My mom might weigh 110 (that's pushing it) and I remember her pulling herself off of the seat and hanging onto the steering wheel to try and turn the wheels.

My dad also owned this magnificent beast...



I loved riding on the back of that thing. The knots wind in my hair... the sunburn on my cheeks... the bugs in my teeth smile on my face... FYI - I even have a dog named Harley.

My dad taught me to drive a stick shift in one of these...



I almost killed us when I turned a corner to quickly and almost flipped the Jeep. Dad put his hands on the hardtop & his foot on the dashboard. I think I may have peed a little. The Jeep's radiator leaked and I always had to carry jugs of water with me. People would often point at the front of Jeep and throw hand gestures as to say "Hey, your car is peeing."

In high school I had the honor of driving my brothers and myself to school in one of these...



Ours wasn't as nice, but it got us where we were going. The Belaire had "three on the tree". It also had a windshield that leaked and a turn signal that was held on with a pipe clamp thingy. If the clamp loosened, the turn signal would hang between my legs.

Also in high school, my mom finally got car with less than 3 bazillion miles on it. She (through no fault of her own because my dad found a great deal) was the proud new owner of...



an Aspire. My dad's a big guy (if you couldn't tell from the Harley picture) and when he drove this car, he always reminded me of Bowser & Mario Kart.

My first boyfriend drove...



a '69 Camaro. It was the first car I ever drove at night.

The first time I ever got pulled over by the cops, I was driving...



A Chevy Blazer that had hit a deer and looked like it was gonna fall apart as it drove down the road. Actually, that's why the cop pulled me over.

On my 18th birthday I was driving a blue version of this beauty...



and I got into a wreck on the way from work to school. Yes, I wrecked my daddy's Caddy. Happy Birthday to me! Oh the shame!! I wasn't at fault and the car wasn't all that damaged, but it still sucked.

After I graduated and moved out, my dad bought me a little 4 door Chevy Cavalier. After driving it for a year or so, my grandma got a new car and I bought this one...



from her for $1. I gave my Cavalier to my brother. During one nasty tornado season, he parked the Cavalier in my mom's parking spot and it got crushed by a tree. That'll teach him!!

I was still driving the Mazda 626 when I met hubby. He, was driving this...



His was all decked out with KC lights and a huge push bar. I knew he loved me when he let me drive his truck. I also knew it was real love when he had a sticker with my nickname made to put on the back window.

A few years ago, we traded the Toyota to my brother. In exchange, we ended up with a teal...



'77 Chevy Van. This is another vehicle that has the manual gear shift thingy on the steering wheel's column. I LOVE!!!! this van! It's so loud! And has so much power! And I can smoke them hotrod boys off a line and make them blush like little girls.

With our first tax check as a couple, we purchased a....



Mitsubishi Mirage. After a few years and thousands of miles, the tranny went out and it took almost 3 years to find another for it. $500+ later and it's still sitting right there in the driveway where I took its picture. See the yellow cargo truck? Yeah... That's mine, too. What else is mine?? This thing...



It's a K-9 unit that was bought at an auction. I even managed to find an evil beast of a dog....



to go on rides with me.

This past week, we traded that '77 Van to another brother. Care to see what we traded for? Here it is....



Yes,that's right. I'm the proud owner of a 1986 Cadillac Fleetwood Hearse. Aint it perdy!! BTW, Its for sale. Anyone want a death mobile?

I called to put insurance on it earlier this morning. They asked me 100 different questions about it. They never asked me if I'd be hauling dead bodies, but they DID ask if I would be using it to transport migrant workers.

Well... I guess that's enough of that crap. Hubby's out driving this....



and this post has put me way behind on my chores.


Posted on 10:38 AM by Chris and filed under , | 5 Comments »

It's Fabulous I Tell Ya

Guess what I got... No guess. Seriously! Just guess! Come on... you're no fun. GUESS!!!

Fine. I'll just tell you. I got........ my very own....... my very first........ Blog Award!! That's right! I'm the proud new owner of some Blog Bling blaby. I mean baby.


To mark this special occasion, I have created a video for your viewing pleasure. (sound not required)




That's right. On Monday, Ginny Marie from Lemon Drop Pie gave me this award, along with a huge compliment on my commenting skilz. The reason it has taken me so long to post this is, I have to come up with 5 things that I'm "into" right now. Seriously people! I have no life!! Playing with my kids, being mom & wife and sitting here on my butt. That's all I do, day after day... after day..... after long long day.

So, let's see what kinda smoke I can blow up yer butt that'll pass for a decent list. LOL

1. My family. I know that's sort of a generic answer, but, really!!! that's where 99% of my time and energy is spent.

2. Themes & Templates. I have a huge obsession with designing websites. Right now, I have 4 or 5 ideas that I'm working on for this particular site. Who knows how many times it will change before I decide on one I'm happy with.

3. Websites - I currently have 7 domains registered (plus this Blogger blog) and every single site needs maintenance!

4. Text Imps - This one sort of goes with #3 but it's my biggest project right now.

5. Meeting new bloggers - I love meeting new people online. As I've already stated, I have no real life, so meeting people online is as close to making new friends as I'm gonna get. But, that's okay by me. Some of my closest friends are people I met online. Later tonight, I need to download Trillian and make more IDs so that people can contact me by instant messenger if they'd like to.

So there ya have it. Family & Internet. Yeah, I'm boring. I know...

And now, here are the people that I've chosen to pass this award on to. My choices should come as no surprise to you because you DID watch that video up there, right?

1. Stacie @ Stacie's Madness
2. Gina @ My very last nerve
3. Heather @ Riding the Short Bus
4. Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???
5. Mr & Mrs Nurse Boy @ Poop on Jelly

I think this is the part where I'm suppose to say "Do what you want with the award. Pass it on, don't pass it on, write about 5 things you're into.... or don't... whatever." =D

THANKS AGAIN GINNY MARIE
Posted on 7:03 PM by Chris and filed under , | 13 Comments »

Anyone Up For A Bike Ride?



For More Wordless Wednesday head over to 5 Minutes for Mom
Posted on 7:38 AM by Chris and filed under | 9 Comments »

Offering My Scientific Knowledge

This is a response to Cows Know Their Directions over at The Daily Wit.

"The scientists were unable to distinguish between the head and rear of the cattle." Let me offer a little bit of help here....

This is the head



And here... we have the rear


Posted on 2:42 PM by Chris and filed under | 4 Comments »

Someone Is In My House - Get The Gun

Since this is a fairly new blog and most of you know nothing about my personal life, let me give you some details so that this story will make sense to you.

The Ol' Man has 3 very annoying little yipper dogs that annoy the piss out of me. They're constantly under foot and in my bed and the only thing they're good for is waking up the baby. They bark at anything, everything and nothing.

I have a German Shepherd. She is my dog! She's a good dog and only barks & growls when it's actually warranted. (i.e. When a Sherrif shows up at your door at 11pm and you're home alone and he's looking for your husband to make sure he's gonna be at jury duty the next day.... ugh.. idiot)

I'm not a big gun person, so you'll have to bear with me while I explain this. You know that chuck-uh-chuck sound that a shotgun makes when you pull that thingy back so you can shoot it? You know... when you pump it?? Chuck-uh-chuck? You know what I mean right? Well, one particular gun that we own, that chuck-uh-chuck sound is VERY loud!!! The Ol' Man tells me that I never really need to load the gun. Just make that noise and "the bad guys will run away." LOL

aNyWhO... Saturday morning at 5:00 (before the sun comes up and before my brain starts functioning) my dog barked and woke me from a sound sleep. Then she started growling. And then... my front door opened. So I jumped up out of bed half naked... grabbed the gun... reached up and grab 2 shells... slammed them into the gun and CHUCK-UH-CHUCK BEEYOTCH!!!

"CHRIS!! IT'S ME!!!!! DON'T SHOOT!!!! CHRIS!! IT'S THE OL MAN!! PUT THE GUN DOWN!!!" Apparently mama gets a li'l gun happy when it comes to pruh-tectin her babies.

So let that be a warning to you!! If you say you'll be here at noon, don't come walking in the house at 5 in the morning. And if you enter my home while I'm sleeping, be sure and call out "CHRIS!! DON'T SHOOT!!" before you come to kill me.

This shotgun of mine is still loaded. I suggest you mosey on over to Text Imps and check out who we picked for Site of the Week and Post of the Week yesterday... before I hassa bus' a cap in yo ass.

... And I mean that in the most loving way. =D
Posted on 7:51 AM by Chris and filed under , , | 5 Comments »