It's Coming To Get You AGAIN!!!!

This week's Spin Cycle is all about laughter. What makes you laugh so hard that you end up with Coke On YOUR Keyboard? For my Spin I'm going to repost an entry from just a few days ago.

For those of you who've already seen this entry, skip down to the stars at the bottom because I've added more info.

For those who haven't seen it.. I hope you enjoy. =D

Last Monday, I took a trip to the gas station (18 miles round trip) and got Coke & bread. Guess what I drove. Yeah... The hearse... *shivers* I kept doddling and seriously just didn't want to drive that thing. As I got ready to leave, I told The Ol' Man "I'll be back soon... if the zombies don't eat me." His response?? "It's not the zombies you have to worry about. It's the creepy black shadows that jump around in the back." GUH!!!!!!! Ass!! Like I SERIOUSLY needed to hear that!!

I went out and checked to make sure I could open the gas cap. Didn't feel the need to drive 9 miles and figure out I was too stupid to operate it.... or unlock it. Then I peeked into the back to make sure there were no zombies, cats, homeless people or monsters in there. Unlocked the door and got in. At this point I'm totally surprised to see that my brother has removed the window that once separated the driver from the boogieman casket. Crap...

Then I had a nice little conversation with myself about how stupid I was being.

Self, you're being stupid. Don't be a sissy about this. It's not like they carried souls in the car.
What is that smell?
I mean, by the time the hearse got the body, it was nothing more than skin & bones. There weren't even organs left. Right?
Seriously - What the hell is that smell?
I mean... the ambulance always picked up the body to take it to the morgue... right? Or a coroner's car maybe. Hell, a minivan came and got Grandma.
How bad would that suck? If one of my last rides is in a minivan, I will come back and haunt everyone that had anything to do with it. Oh man. What if someone else had to ride in a minivan? I bet that ticked them off. What if....
They don't use the hearse for this sort of stuff. Only for transferring from the funeral home to the cemetery.
If someone comments to set me straight on this lie I've convinced myself of.. so help me....
Okay, just turn around, start it up and go. Oh, check that out. This dash is just like the Caddy I drove in high school. That's cool.
What was that? Is there someone behind me?
Cool. It even does the self leveling thing. Holy crap it's cold. Where's the heater. Does this thing even have a heater?
You don't want a heater in a hearse dumbass. Hot dead bodies stink.
Oh, there's the heater buttons. I forgot they hide them in these Cadillacs.
Oh man, is that what that smell is? Did someone put the heater on too hot? Is that dead body stench? Maybe it's formaldehyde.
Aww yes. Heat. I thought they said it was suppose to be warm today. Lyin' asses. Alright, let's see if I can pull this thing out of here without hitting anything or getting stuck in the mud.

Holy crap someone needs to bleed these brakes.
Bleed... bleeding... blood. I wonder if blood ever spilled out into the back of the car. No. No blood. Just skin & bones. Skin.and.bones!
Why is this jerk on my ass? He's gonna end up slamming into me and killing us both.
How ironic would it be to die in a hearse.
Yeah... just keep starin' asswod. Yes I'm a girl. Yes I'm driving a hearse. Pass me and get it over with.
OMG What if he sees something behind me. Maybe I can't see it because the reflection won't show up in the mirror. You can't see vampires in mirrors right?
Is this speedometer wrong? Why is everyone passing me? I'm going 62. That's well over the speed limit. Okay. This guy's staring at me, too. What is wrong with these people?
OMG What was that!?? I saw something. There's something behind me. Oh.... that was my head in the mirror.
Let's just adjust this mirror here... Why is there even a mirror in this thing? It's not like you can see out the back with all these curtains.
Maybe it's so you can see them when they reach out to grab your head and suck your brains out through your ear.
Go idiot! You have the right of way. See, when you get to the 4-way stop before me, you go first. Frickin' morons! I swear!!

OMG it's cold out here. I knew I was gonna be pumping gas. I should've worn gloves.
*peek into back of car* No boogie man. *go in and pay* *peek into car* No boogie man.
Go idiot!! Come on! People in this town shouldn't be allowed to have licenses.

Wow! Is that a coyote? That looks a lot like my dog. I always thought she was probably part coyote but now that I see that one running....
OMG What was that? Ok. I definitely saw something that time. I am not driving this stupid thing again.
I really do think she must be part coyote.

*walk through the front door*
Ol Man - "So, how was it? Were you all freaked out?"
Me - "I was fine. I was only kidding about being spooked. Ya know, if it had room for more than 3 people to ride in it, I'd actually think about keeping it. But, since it doesn't, I guess we have to get rid of it. That kinda bums me out."

LmAo -- SHuT Up!

********

So last night... Hubby gets home late and I'm too tired to cook dinner and I suggest we order a pizza. We live out in the middle of no where and pizza places don't deliver this far out in the boonies. This meant that I'd have to go get the pizza myself.

Fast forward to 25 minutes later... I'm in the car. And it's dark. Very dark. I look into my rear view mirror and I KID YOU NOT!!! There was a shadow behind me. And not one of my imaginary shadows!!!

I didn't just glance at this shadow. No, I studied it. Because this time, I knew it was ACTUALLY there. It was there! And it was behind me! And I was petrified.

So I'm sittin' there 100% freaked out. Staring at this shadow that's behind me on the door and I start contemplating my escape route.

Dead serious... I start thinking about bailing out of this car at 60 mile an hour!! Had my 8 year old not been riding shot gun, I may have actually jumped.

But then... the shadow was gone!!!
OMG Where did it go? Did it move closer? Is it right behind me now? I'm dead. I'm gonna die. This thing is gonna reach out and grab hold of me.

Pictures of Eleanor from The Haunting start flashing through my mind and I'm waiting for my hair to start moving. And then... the shadow was back. It was back. And in the same spot. No doubt about it, this was not a figment of my overactive imagination.

All of a sudden, something made my leg itch. Not wanting to lose sight of the shadow and allow it to sneak up on me while I wasn't looking, I carefully stared in my rear view mirror as I leaned down to scratch my leg. As I bent down I noticed that the shadow moved, too. This of course scared the crap out of me and I sat straight back up in my seat. And again... the shadow moved. This time growing taller.

With a very puzzled look on my face, I pushed the fear aside, leaned down again and watched the shadow move with me. I sat up... and so did the shadow.

It was at this moment that I realized that I am, in fact, afraid of my own shadow.

So let this be a lesson to you. You should never consider jumping out of a moving car because you believe there are ghostly spirits hitching a ride. It's just a really bad idea!

Now head over to The Daily Wit and share a bad idea.

And don't forget to have your Spin finished & submitted by February 20th.

Posted on 8:39 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

13 comments:

The Daily Wit said... @ February 14, 2009 at 11:02 PM

That's just plain funny. Period. Funny, funny stuff. Thanks for the link.

Terri said... @ February 15, 2009 at 8:24 AM

Funny..... I would of reacted the same way you did.

I should write a post about the real ghost that visits my house.

Michelle said... @ February 15, 2009 at 9:30 AM

You are one brave girl! I would have refused to drive it the first time.

Gina said... @ February 15, 2009 at 10:26 AM

That's funny. And something I would totally do myself.

Stacie said... @ February 15, 2009 at 10:45 AM

omg, that is hilarious...and I do that shit to myself all the time, I am afraid of me...literally. ;)

bsouth said... @ February 15, 2009 at 1:18 PM

hee hee hee. Very funny and very understandable. Sometimes when I'm up in the middle of the night with the boy I scare myself stupid imagining that he might be a vampire baby and about to bite my neck (as he snuggles in to get a better position). I've gone back to bed practically in tears before now.

DancesWithPitBulls said... @ February 15, 2009 at 3:46 PM

Could we please get some hearse pictures?

Sprite's Keeper said... @ February 15, 2009 at 7:19 PM

I am so glad I wasn't eating soup this time! Seriously funny. You're linked!

Laufa said... @ February 16, 2009 at 12:05 PM

I'm so with DanceswithPittBulls, pictures would be hilarious. Maybe orbs (ghost entity things) will be in them. I would have loved to be in your shoes and make my hubby ride shotgun, he is such a paranoid ghost hunter kind of guy. A shadow can not suck your brains out - lol!!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said... @ February 16, 2009 at 3:08 PM

You crack me up! Love this post! But, don't get me wrong. I think I would be the same way driving around in that vehicle. My dad almost bought one years ago when he was a traveling salesman. He wanted to put a sign in the window that said, "I'm dying to do business with you!" I was a teenager and was so relieved when he decided not to go through with it.

D.M. Wright said... @ February 18, 2009 at 6:02 PM

That was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

Rachel said... @ February 19, 2009 at 9:54 PM

Man, that was funny AND scary! I'm seriously freaked out right now! And I am never ever getting in a hearse. Well, not until I'm dead anyway. Hmmmm. Do they put you in a hearse if you get cremated? I see I have some googling to do. Anyway, great spin/post!

Shangrila said... @ February 20, 2009 at 8:29 PM

You are too, too funny! Thanks for sharing your private hell to give us all a laugh-you rock! :D

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