I'm Outta Here

Just a friendly reminder from your neighborhood... something or other.....

In case you missed my post the other day, I've moved. Please come over to TextImps.com Please!! I'm on my knees begging.

Okay, so really I'm just sitting here looking at you. But it's a stern face. A face to fear. RUN! RUN I SAY!! RUN TO TEXTIMPS!!! (and don't forget to subscribe over there using the RSS stuff in the top corner or the google thingy over on the right)
Posted on 11:47 AM by Chris and filed under | 1 Comments »

I'm Packing Up & Moving

Well -- I've decided I'm done with Blogger. I'm taking my ball & I'm going home!!

This will be my final post here. Ya'll can find me over at Text Imps from now on. There's already a post over there waiting for you. Well, actually, ALL of my posts & all of your comments are over there. But.. I just published a post explaining why I've decided to move.

I hope you will all follow me over there and keep reading & commenting. You guys are awesome and you got me through some really rough times a couple weeks ago. I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. (Okay - Now I sound like I'm sucking up.)

So.... please head over to Text Imps & update your subscription thingies. =D I'll see you there.
Posted on 11:15 PM by Chris and filed under | 0 Comments »

Sometimes It's Worth The Wait

Yesterday, I was at Walmart. Yes, again!!! Sometimes I feel like I live there. Anyways... I got done with all of my shopping and made my way to the deli for some roast beef, ham & colby jack cheese.

While I was waiting for someone to help me, a little old lady pushed her cart up beside me. This woman had to be almost 100. She was so feeble that she could barely push her cart.

She waited there beside me. And waited... And waited...

After about 5 minutes of patiently waiting, I could see the woman starting to get as frustrated as I was. I looked at her, rolled my eyes in disgust and said "This is ridiculous."

We waited another few minutes and then, in the sweetest little old lady voice that I've ever heard, she said to me "You know.... this is bullshit..."

You got that right sista!!!!

And now... for your viewing pleasure... a picture of me, Princess, Tab & Luigi from about 3 years ago.

Posted on 9:28 AM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

New Comment Thing - Again

ETA -- Let's try this again -- Something went wrong with the js-kit install.....

ETA -- ehh........ screw it ........... LOL

-- Post Deleted cuz I got irritated --

=D
Posted on 2:35 PM by Chris and filed under | 12 Comments »

Cleaning Out The Reader

I finally decided I was completely irritated with Google Reader. Every time I started following someone's blog, not only did it put it in my "following" section but it also added the blog to my subscriptions. That meant that my "gotta read it" count was always double.

SOOOO..... I just spent the past hour UNfollowing all of the blogs I was following. No need to worry though, you're all still on my subscriptions list. Well.... 90% of you anyways.

If I normally comment at your blog and you don't see me for the next week, gimme a hollah! I may have accidentally deleted you from my subscriptions, too.

This reader has started to take over my life. LOL I still have 66 blogs in my subscriptions and am thinking of cutting it down to about 20. But it's so hard to choose who I should remove. I've become glued to your windows and can't stop peaking in.

Moving on to another type of reader.... I'd like to discuss my daughter, Princess. A couple of days ago, she said to me, "Mom, do you know what they use to call black people?"

Instead of calmly discussing the issue, I blurted out "Yes I do and if I ever hear you use that word you'll be in more trouble than you've ever been in IN.YOUR.LIFE!!!"

I hate that word! I've used my fair share of filthy language but that's one word that has NEVER crossed my lips and one that my fingertips have never typed. I hate that word!!!

Guess who taught her the word..... I'm waiting.... Guess.....

It was her teacher. They are reading a book (yes, continuing to read the book) and it has that word in it. It's not an educational book that talks about the cruelty endured by slaves. No, it's a "just for fun" book. A book they're reading aloud in class.

She said that her teacher "didn't realize the word was in the book." Well, I suggest that from now on, that genius teacher of hers needs to read the book herself before she asks her students to read it. The nerve....
Posted on 12:01 PM by Chris and filed under , | 13 Comments »

Walmart To The Rescue

Yesterday, I mentioned going to to Walmart after the dentist. My face was still all numb and I was try to avoid eye contact with anyone.

There are always a lot of people at our local Walmart, but yesterday, there were twice as many as usual. Some genius decided that they'd take every 7th and 8th grader in the state on a field trip.

It must've been a home economics class or something. Each group of kids had a list of items and they roamed around the store looking at products and comparing prices & weights and ounces.

More than once I heard kids say "I can't believe how much food costs!" I even heard one rather snooty looking girl say "Omigosh!! I can't believe my mom pays that much for this. I'm never going to ask for it again."

The funniest part was when I decided to be my normal helpful self and offer some advice to the girls who were comparing spaghetti sauces on the eye level shelves. Yes, the $3 and $4 jars.

Anyone who does grocery shopping on a budget knows that you always look at the bottom shelf first. That's where they put the "cheap" brands. IMO, these are usually the better tasting brands, too. Instead of cheaping out on taste & ingredients, they cheap out on packaging. Fine.By.Me!!

So, there I am. Me and my half frozen, slobbering on myself face, trying to offer these young ladies some assistance. "Ah-ways ook down ear on-uh om sewf" *wipes her chin*

"Excuse me??"

So... instead of trying all of that again, I simply pointed with my foot to the cans of sauce on the bottom shelf. 95 cents baby! That's right. 95 cents.

"Much teaper d.d.d.d.down heeeeere"

"Oh yeah. I remember my mom always said that you gotta look by the floor to save money. Thank you"

"You Melcuh" *wipes her chin*
Posted on 9:54 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 8 Comments »

Novocaine For The Soul

I learned a couple of things this past Thursday. First of all, my body doesn't react to novocaine like a normal person's body would. *breaks out into song* Novocaine.... for the soul.... before I sputter out.

The dentist gave me one round of shots which included about 5 different insertions of the needle. He left me there to drool on myself and came back about 5 minutes later. "Is it numb?" "Eh... kinda." "Open... can you feel this?" "No..." "How bout th..." "Ahhh!!!" "Okay, let me numb you up a little more."

2 or 3 shots and 5 minutes later and we went through the whole thing again.

3rd time's the charm right? Nope.... it aint...

4 times? How about 4 times? nooooop.

The fifth time, he was apparently done screwing around. He got out a 20 foot long needle, jammed it into the back of my mouth and out of instinct, my right leg flew up through the air and almost kicked him in the head.

This one did the trick. I was suddenly numb from my shoulder to the top of my head. My bottom lip was laying in my lap, my tongue was hanging out like a dog in the hot sun and my nose had swollen to 10 times its size. Or at least...that's what my face felt like.

While he was gone, doing whatever it is that dentists do while they're gone, my body started shaking violently. The doctor came back in and told me that the shakes I was feeling were due to the numbing agents. I told him "oh I us ought I us cold" and then I wiped my mouth.

He pulled the tooth and led me out to the receptionist where I paid my bill and tried to sign my name. That was almost an impossible task because I was shaking so hard. When I tried to give my debit card to the woman, I looked like a 2 year old playing keep away. "You can't have it. Try to get it. You can't catch it." LOL Then, signing my name?? Ha!!!

Went out to my car and it took me a good 2 minutes to get the key into the lock. Another minute to get the key into the ignition. I drove about 5 miles to Wally World and by the time I got there. I had stopped shaking. It might've had something to do with the fact that I set the heater to 90 degrees. But I'm not sure.

Here's where I should explain that I'm normally a decently happy person. If you and I make eye contact, I'm 99% guaranteed to smile at you. Having a smile on my face just makes me feel better. Well... with half of my face numb, I wasn't doing a whole lot of smiling. I was actually trying to avoid it because, well, I looked like a freak. LOL

At one point, there was a woman coming towards me with a cart. We were doing the shopping cart dance where we'd each go to the same side and then turn back to the other side trying to avoid each other. This would usually cause me to laugh, and I was laughing, only it was just on the inside.

What the woman saw was some ticked off looking freak of a woman, barrelling at her with a shopping cart, obviously ready for a good game of shopping cart chicken. I could see the look on her face change from being a little giggly to "I will not be defeated!!!!!"

I pulled my cart over to the side and let her pass me. She pushed her cart by as though she'd just won the gold medal in the House Wife Olympics.

Tomorrow.... Walmart Field Trips For Rich Kids

But for now... please enjoy Novocaine For The Soul by Eels.

Posted on 11:28 AM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

It's Never The Answer

So, Monday morning, I woke up and began contemplating suicide. It wasn't a question of whether or not to do it. No. That decision had already been made. The questions were How? and Where?

The Ol' Man was home, so at least the kids wouldn't be on their own. That was a good thing. And the pain. The pain would be gone. That would be a good thing, too. All I wanted was for the knife to be taken out of my ear. The pressure behind my eyeballs to be gone. The throbbing pain in my temple to stop. I wanted to feel my right arm and use my hand again.

I walked in circles and pressed on my ear. I held my neck and tried to rub the pain away. It wouldn't stop! Nothing would make it stop!! I thought I was going to vomit from the pain. But then a rush came over my body. I started to sweat. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear. I sat down on the bed... I passed out.

Moments later, how long I'm not sure, I woke up. The pain had not stopped. PAIN!!! Physical pain like I've never felt before. I've given birth to five children without so much as an aspirin to ease the pain. But this!!! This was the most horrible pain in the world. It had to be.

I started taking pills just to make the pain go away even just a little bit. At 8 I took 4 ibuprofen. At 8:30 I took 3 Tylenol. At 9:00 I took some Tylenol with codeine. At 9:15, I took some hydrocodone. At 9:30 I screamed at a 3 month old baby and told her to Please.Just.Shut.Up!!!!!

At 10:00 the pain started to subside. My brain was finally starting to function again. I could see things clearly and was starting to feel tingling sensations in my hand again. I welcomed the tingling because it meant that my arm would surely return to fully functional soon.

The most surprising part of it all was the fact that my mouth didn't hurt. My tooth, the one that lost a 10 year old filling and cracked in half a few months ago, it didn't hurt at all. The gums that were red and swollen and surely infected, they didn't hurt either.

I had called for an appointment weeks ago but the soonest I could be seen was at the end of March. On Monday, when I thought there was no choice but to just end the pain myself, I managed to get an appointment for that afternoon.

They gave me antibiotics which seem to be helping. They were also kind enough to give me some pain medicine that, well, let's just say that for the first time in 3 months, I slept through the night.

This morning, I went back to their office and after being given 4 different rounds of shots to numb my mouth, they were finally able to extract it.

So here I sit.... typing to you. Pain mostly gone..... Just being thankful.....
Posted on 1:47 PM by Chris and filed under , | 14 Comments »

Not Sure What To Do

So, I've basically decided that blogger irritates the crap out of me. It makes me nuts when I try to post a picture and the alignment of it won't work. It also bugs me that the quality of pictures is so BLAH when I use their upload function. I also hate the lack of addons and plugins and widgets and all that jazz.

Another thing I've decided is, I totally screwed up my other site, Text Imps. My plan & goal was to scour the internet for great posts and blogs to feature each week. Instead of finding something good and moving on, I started subscribing. Then... my subscription list grew and grew. Then... I got hooked on about 70 writers (10 that I'm not sure I could live without). And now... I'm screwed. LOL Instead of jumping from one blog to the next, I feel like I have to stop and read and get to know the writers and... ugh... it's an endless cycle that leaves no time for scouring.

Another big part of my plan was to have people submit their favorites. So far, in 3 months, I've only had 3 submissions. Huge downer.

So now, I'm not exactly sure what I should do.

I'm thinking I may move my personal blog (the one you're reading now) over to Text Imps. I'm not sure if I should combine the 2 sites and just do a once a month feature or what.

I'm also thinking that I may completely scratch the idea of running Text Imps. I mean, I liked the idea. I had fun doing it. But all of a sudden, it turned into work. The whole point was to do something that was fun. Read great stuff & share it with others. Where could I go wrong... ya know??

Tonight will be the 2nd week in a row that I'm not updating with new featured articles. I hate feeling like a failure, but right now, that's the only word that's coming to mind. FAIL!

Anyone have any suggestions? I'm 100% open to any ideas, comments, suggestions, complaints, questions....... whatever.......
Posted on 6:08 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 15 Comments »

Dude! What Happened?

No, seriously? Whaddup yo?

Usually, when I post, ya'll start leaving comments within 15 minutes. I'm a total comment junkie. I leave my e-mail checker open all day so that I can be informed of new comments immediately!! And get all goose-pimply when I get a new one.

Well, yesterday, I posted and *sigh* I still only have one comment. (Update - 2 now) Where'd you go??? LOL

My tinyurls were broken yesterday. Comment luv was broken every time I left a comment somewhere else. Did my reader updates break, too? Is that it? Were you just not informed?

Was it the prizes? Are they THAT bad? Hahaaa

Fill me in cuz I'm over here scratching my butt head and wondering where all of my super duper beautifully gorgeous commenters went.

Was it the lack of the word vagina that did it?? That was it... wasn't it? LOL Well, fine. I guess I'll tell you what happened to me today.

I had to go in for a postpartum checkup so I could get the ball rolling and get my tubes tied. I found out that my doctor is retiring at the end of April. Because of some stupid law around here, I have to first sign a paper. Then, I have to wait 30 days before they can do the procedure. Since my doctor is retiring, he's not going to be able to do the procedure and blah blah yadda yadda... new doctor... gonna take WAY longer... Fertile Myrtle needs some birth control!!!!

This woman starts telling me some of my options and she's telling me about the Nuvaring (or something like that) She's trying to explain how easy it is to use and how effective it is and the in's and out's *giggle* of how you insert it. And of course all I'm hearing is "vagina vagina vagina" and I'm totally thinking about vaginal irrigation and trying my hardest to not laugh.

But, I finally decided to go with the shot. (Shhh don't tell the Ol' Man! He says it makes me hateful) And FYI - Had a pregnancy test done... and no... not pregnant... duh... LOL

Sooooooooooo?????? Are you gonna enter my giveaway or what, yo???

**UPDATE** Okay - Something is wonky @ youtube. So, as long as you PROMISE you at least WATCHED the video you can leave comments on the giveaway post to be entered.
Posted on 12:56 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , | 9 Comments »

My First Giveaway

UPDATE -- Contest Over --
My random generator thingy says that Petra is winner #1 and Samsmama is winner #2.
Email your addies to textimps [at] gmail [dot] com and tell me whatcha want. Petra gets first choice so, Samsmama, if you pick the same thing as Petra, I'll write back and have you pick something else.
-----------

Yay! WooHoo!! A Giveaway!!! Now... Don't get too excited. I'm not giving away a car or a trip to Maui or anything like that. Actually, your "cost" to join is a better reward than my prizes. But, I'm totally doing this anyways.

For the past couple of days, I've been trying to figure out what kind of hoops to make ya'll jump through before you could enter to win my magnificent prizes. And then, this morning, something awesome happened. My favorite pig... yes, I have a favorite. Don't you?... My favorite pig posted a new video on YouTube.

So, when I saw that he'd posted a new video, I ran (errr clicked) as quickly as I could to go watch the new video. In the middle of my hysterical laughter, a lightbulb went off. I'll make ya'll watch the new video!! What could be easier? What could be more entertaining?? Absolutely nothing!

I totally love Putnam Pig. I found him about a month ago. He's 100% kid friendly & that's very hard to find on the net. My kids love him so much that every time he posts a new video, I have to download it and put it on their mp4 players. And, even though I'm a grown woman (shut it) he makes me laugh so hard that I have to pause his videos and wipe the tears from my face before I can continue watching. I.love.that.pig!!!!

When my son started his blog, he told me to put Putnam's website in his links. Within hours, Putnam stopped by and left a comment. I thought that was completely awesome! Then, somehow or another, he found ME and left a comment here, too. I felt like a celebrity had stopped by. LOL

Then, I found out he does the whole twitter thing, too! Oh my gosh!! He tweets at me!! Don't be jealous!!!

Ok... I'm rambling now. Sorry, but, I love that pig I tell ya!!!

The video is an entry for a contest. Everyone's suppose to lip sync to the song Toxic by A Static Lullaby. (Yes, a remake of whats-her-face's song) And the winner is like TOTALLY gonna become famous. I want Putnam to win because I think he's awesome! The more publicity the better! Everyone who has a kid & a computer should know about him & I want to try and do my part to make sure that happens.

So..... the prizes.....

I bought some neat calendars for myself the other day. Then I decided that maybe ya'll would like them as much as I did. So... I went back and bought more to give away. You can click on the pictures to see a bigger picture with more detail. Except for the planner, they're all 16-month calendars.

First up is the Maxine calendar. This chick cracks me up! I hope I'm as cool as her when I hit her age.
Next we have a Happy Bunny calendar. The bunnies are hilarious & this is one of my favorites.
Anita totally speaks to my inner woman. Click on the picture and read the front of the calendar and you'll see what I mean.
Last but not least is the coolest of my finds. This is a family planner. It comes with a magnetic "thingy" so you can hang it on your fridge. You can "track" up to 5 people & it has more than 300 stickers. Woohooo!!!! STICKERS!!!
I'm gonna keep the contest open until midnight on March 7th. On that night, I will do the random number generator thing and I'll pick 2 winners. Each winner will get to pick 1 of the calendars. (First number picked gets to go first)

I'm going to give you lots of ways to enter. But FIRST!!! you have to go watch Putnam's video.

1 Entry - Leave a comment for Putnam on the video & rate it. (don't mention me or he'll totally think I'm stalking him.) Come back and comment here to let me know you're done.

1 Entry - Watch more of his videos and tell me something you find funny about another video.

1 Entry Per Tweet - Tweet this giveaway no more than once every 12 hours. Leave a comment after each tweet.

2 Entries - Blog about this giveaway and/or how awesomely awesome Putnam is. Come back and leave 2 comments.

I think that's it. LOL Now.... go watch the video & prepare to laugh your butt off!

**UPDATE** Okay - Something is wonky @ youtube. So, as long as you PROMISE you at least WATCHED the video (and tried to rate it) you can leave comments here to be entered in the giveaway. We're going on the honor system here, people. I trust ya. *smiles*
Posted on 12:28 PM by Chris and filed under , , , | 5 Comments »

Vaginal What??

Did you ever feel like you were completely alone in this big world? For the past week, that's how I felt. Right up until 2 nights ago when comments started flooding in from the most wonderful people!! You guys are just so awesome! I'll never find the right words to explain how much your comments mean to me. So I will just say... Thank You!!!

Now... seriously... we gotta move on to something else. Cuz those posts weren't me. Well, they were me. They just weren't the normal, happy, clumsy, goofy goober, Chris that ya'll know. Yes, I said goofy goober. And...??

So, check this out. I just got back from Wally World. While there, I saw an older woman on one of those go-cart thingies. She looked quite confused and I could tell she was trying to find something but was having no luck.

Being the kind, sweet person that I am (shut it) I asked if I could help her find something.

"Yes honey. Thank you. I'm looking for vaginal..."

My brain took over and interrupted the sound entering my ears. "All personnel please report to Giggle Control. All personnel to Giggle Control. This is not a test. I repeat... This is not a test."

"I'm sorry. What was that?"
"Vaginal irrigation products. I asked another young lady but she said she'd never heard of such a thing."

Now, at this point, being a farm girl, I'm picturing this ol' lady sitting out in the middle of an irrigation ditch. I was also wondering if she was fighting off the urge to scratch herself.

I remembered that I'd seen some coochie cleaner over by the family planning stuff. So I moved over to that particular aisle and told her I had found it. I assumed she'd turn her little motorized cart around and come pick some out. Instead, she stayed at the end of the aisle and asked me to get one for her. Ugh....

So I look and of course there's not just 1 brand. There are 4 or 5 brands plus the store brand. This is not a decision I should be making for another woman. Especially since it's not a product I've ever purchased for myself.

So I informed her that there were quite a few choices and again, hoped she would drive down the aisle and make her selection on her own. She named off a brand and I went to grab for a box.

Then... I realized that now there was a choice of 1, 2 or 4 bottles per box. Ugh.... So I asked her which count she wanted. She said "Get the one with the most bottles."

"All personnel please report to Giggle Control!!!!"

She probably just wanted to save money by buying more than one bottle or maybe she just wanted to avoid this entire ordeal for a few more months... but in MY head I'm imagining flies swarming this woman's crotch as she swats at them and asks for the BIG box!

So I go to grab the BIG box and I see that there are different uhm..... okay flavors is TOTALLY the wrong word. Uhm..... Different fragrances. Yes, that's it. Fragrances.

At this point, I just grabbed one. I wasn't about to ask the woman if she wanted to smell like vinegar, tulips, roses or vanilla.

Vanilla... lmao.... vanilla goes good with yeast, doesn't it?? Bahahaaa

In closing, I should probably point out that yes, I know douche isn't just for "nasty" people. It's more like preventive maintenance so you don't BECOME one of the nasty. But... I'm a 10 year old boy trapped in a 30 year old woman's body. I have issues... Lea-me-alone
Posted on 5:46 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , | 17 Comments »

Holding Back The Anger

Sometimes I forget just how awesome you guys are. But after the comments I received last night and the ones you wrote this morning while my lazy butt was sleeping, I won't forget again!! Thank you so much to all who commented. And thank you to those who read, but left no mark of having been here. It means more to me than any of you know.

Crying?? Who, me?? No. There's something in my eye. Shut up. =P

I've tried over and over to write this post. I've written 3 different copies but as I went back and read them again, I realized how much hatred and anger I would be shoving in your faces. I'm not a hateful person and I don't want anyone to think that about me. So.... Ctrl-A, Delete, All gone....

Let's see if I can do this again and just give the facts of it all.

My cousin was the mother of 4 kids from ages 11yrs to 3yrs. She was in and out of their lives weekly. They stayed with their grandparents & their dads while she went out and did... whatever it was that she was doing. Now, don't get me wrong. She loved her kids with her entire heart. She just wasn't the full time mom that she could've been. Most of that, I attribute to her upbringing.

She ended up catching a virus that was going around our area. Some got over it in a week and others, like myself, were afflicted for more than a month.

She had been doing some really hard drugs and her immune system was basically shot. She ended up at the hospital one night because she said she could barely breathe.

The doctors did x-rays of her lungs and said they were clear. They said it was asthma, gave her an inhaler and sent her home. She didn't have asthma so obviously their course of treatment did nothing to help.

The next day, she was back at the hospital. They gave her some meds and sent her home. Within hours, she started having an allergic reaction and headed back to the hospital. So what did the doctors do? The same thing any doctor would do. They gave her more of those same meds she was allergic to and sent her home. (Back off from the anger, Chris!!!)

Surprise!! She was back at the hospital within hours. They finally decided they weren't smart enough to figure out what was wrong with her and they arranged for an ambulance to transfer her to a another hospital.

The details of what happened over the next day or so are confusing to me. I don't know why they gave her meds to make her sleep, but they did. And they put a tube in her lungs so a machine could breathe for her. They diagnosed her with pneumonia and said her lungs were more than half filled with fluid. They didn't understand how the first hospital could take x-rays and not see all of the fluid. We were informed later that had the first hospital seen the fluid... well.. I wouldn't be writing this post.

They drained fluid from her lungs and gave her different combinations of medications to try and make her body stop killing itself. One of the meds seemed to be helping but her feet started turning purple and there was a risk of her losing one of her feet. They (not the doctors) decided to stop giving her that medication. (Just fyi, if you have to choose between my life or my foot... cut the foot off, mkay?)

All of a sudden, her temp started rising. She stayed in the 101 to 102 range for days. They tried different meds to try and bring the temp down but nothing worked. And apparently the hospital didn't have an ice machine. I'm all for meds, but, I know that ice helps! I know this from personal experience and I still don't understand why they didn't at least try it.

I walked into her room on March 2nd and the heat in the room almost knocked me back out the door. It was at this point that I went crazy. Why wasn't anything being done to stop her temperature from rising? Who decided to stop wiping her face with the wet cloth? It was helping! Her temp would drop. Why did you people stop? And who!!!!!!!! WHO!!! turned off the fan? Why? Why did you turn it off? Why did you people let her temperature get SO high? And so help me, if I ever find out who turned up the thermostat in her room because THEY were cold..... (Back off, Chris)

They decided to take her off of the meds that were making her sleep. They said it shouldn't take long for her to wake up. After an hour, she didn't wake up and the doctors started talking about turning off the machines that were breathing for her. They said that her body temp had probably killed some of her brain function, but of course, they couldn't be sure.

This is the point where I will totally skip over the details that make the hate come out. And will just tell you that they, very quickly, decided to go ahead and end her "suffering".

The doctors asked that we leave so that they could take out the breathing tube. I stayed by my aunt's side and refused to leave. She told these 2 men from a church to tell all of the 20+ people that were in the hallway, that if they wanted to come into the room during my cousin's final moments, they could. I found out later that neither of these guys did that for my family.

After the tube was out, my aunt & uncle and I went back into the room as well as the 2 men from the church & my cousin's dad. We sat and watched her and talked to her, held her hand and cried because we knew she was about to be taken from us. My aunt had her face buried in my cousin's chest and her husband held her tight. It was at that moment that my cousin opened her eyes, looked around the room and then found me. She stared at me. Tears welled up in her eyes... and then she was gone.
Posted on 12:44 PM by Chris and filed under | 17 Comments »

Does She Care

Excuse me for jumping off of the looney train for the day. Don't unsubscribe because of tonight's post. Don't even subscribe because of it. This is not the norm & it won't become the norm. I just have some serious thoughts running through my brain and feel the need to release them.

It's been one year. One year since she died. One year since they killed her. One year since the world of so many people was flipped upside down. Does she care?

Their mother is gone. Do they know why?

She no longer has a sister. Why couldn't they wait just one more day?

He was finally released from prison but only for a few hours. Only long enough to tell his sister's body goodbye. A beautiful face that he hadn't seen in years. Only her voice would comfort him but there was no more voice to be heard.

Her granddaughter's body now rests in the ground. Does she know? Are they side by side, laughing and joking the same way they did when they both walked this earth? Have all mistakes been forgiven? Do they still butt heads and continue to fight?

Did she see her daughter lay at her grave and weep until she could no longer breathe? Does she know that her baby tried to climb into the casket? Did she see her little boy wander around aimlessly? Does she know that her daughter can barely live with herself because she was angry and wished her mother would just die? Does she even care?

Does she know that her lack of judgment has left so many people without someone they love? Would she go back and change it if she could? Does she even care?

Did she see the men? Did she see her uncles, her cousins, her dad and her father break down into fits of rage, anger, hatred, sorrow & mourning?

Why was it her mother's choice? Of all these questions, the answer I want the most is, WHY was it her mother's choice!!!

Does she know that I tried to make them give her time to get better? Does she hate me for not trying harder? Does she know how much I hate her for hurting so many people? Does she know that even though I feel this hatred, I love her more than she ever knew?

Did it hurt when they turned off the machine and she couldn't breathe anymore? Is that why her eyes opened so quickly? Why did she look at me and cry? Were the tears for her family? For her children? For her mother? Were the tears for herself? Did she know they were killing her? Did she know she had killed herself?

Did she enjoy that last fix? Did she know how much it would cost?

Does she even care?
Posted on 8:04 PM by Chris and filed under | 13 Comments »

Spin Cycle - Changes

When Jen from Sprite's Keeper announced that our Spin Cycle assignment this week was about change, the first thing that came to mind was diapers. After 11 years of changing diapers it's hard not to associate the word change with the word diaper.

The last time that Luigi wore a diaper was the day before he turned 3. All of the others took a couple more months. To make things easier, I'm going to use "3 years" as the cut off date in my math problem.

Also, to make the math problem a little more simple, we'll just use 6 as the average number of diaper changes per day. I know it's more like 8 (12 for some of my poop monsters) but... we'll just go with 6.

3 years = 1,095 days

1,095 days x 4 kids = 4,380 days

Frogger was born 102 days ago

4,380 days + 102 days = 4,482 days

4,482 days x 6 diapers a day = .............. Are you ready for it?

Seriously?? You ready??

Twenty-six THOUSAND eight hundred ninety-two diapers!!

And just think... I still have another 5,000 diapers to go with Frogger.

(Is anyone else thinking about the episode of Spongebob where Patrick & Spongebob raise the baby clam??)

(Is anyone else really jealous of the parents who use cloth diapers? I wish I had that sort of control over my gag reflexes. Kudos to you guys!!)
Posted on 7:39 AM by Chris and filed under , , | 15 Comments »

You Capture - First Installment

Photobucket
Beth, at I Should Be Folding Laundry, has come up with a new carnival called You Capture.

Our first assignment was to take a picture of something we love, without using flash. I immediately started snapping pictures of Frogger. She's the only one that holds still long enough for me to take a picture without tracers.

Imagine my surprise when she decided to pose for all of you and show you her "I.Am.Rotten" look. This can also be referred to as the "I have you wrapped around my little finger" look or the "Watch how I make my mommy stop everything she's doing just to come play with me" look.

Frogger is only 3 months old and look at this face!!! I am SOOOO in trouble!





ETA: I think I'm gonna have to sign up for a flickr account. I feel bad for not leaving comments on the pictures that are being hosted there (rather than a blog) for the carnival.

For those who ARE only submitting using flickr... I didn't leave my mark, but I promise I looked. =D And so far, all I see is awesomeness!!
Posted on 11:59 AM by Chris and filed under , , , | 17 Comments »

Long Rant About Ignorance

The whole thing started off yesterday, when Luigi, my 3rd grader, told me about a spelling game they play in class. The students line up, the teacher says a word and as a group, the students spell out the word, each taking their turn at the next letter. If you get the letter wrong, you sit down and you're out of the game. The last person left standing is the winner & they get a prize. Cool beans! Makes sense & it's a good incentive for learning.

Now, here's the catch. If you're the person who says the last letter of the word, you're also out. How is that fair? How is that right? You correctly answer the question and you're punished for it? Yeah... okay then.... And then Luigi informed me that they play this game 2 or 3 times a week and so far he's been one of the "winners" a grand total of 3 times. There are only 6 kids in his class so this number is outrageous to me.

Apparently Luigi shares the same enthusiasm over losing and missing out on a prize. He was being stubborn about something and his teacher had the nerve to say "You're just mad because you didn't win the game." Yeah... well I'd be mad, too. And actually... I am.

After that discussion, he handed me a note. It was a letter that he had written to me as part of his punishment for his atrocious behavior at school yesterday. In addition to having to write this letter (and have it signed) he wasn't allowed to play at recess. Care to guess what he did? You'll never in a million years guess.

Luigi.... was holding his breath. Yeah... that's all. Just holding his breath. No apparent reason. Just sitting at his desk... minding his own business & holding his breath. Here's how our conversation went:
Luigi: Are you mad?
Me: No. Just don't do it again if she has such a problem with it. What exactly did she say to you?
Luigi: She said "do you think that's funny?!?!?"
Me: What'd you say?
Luigi: *shrugs*
Me: You should've just been honest and said yes.
Luigi: *giggles* I did.
Me: Well good. She shouldn't have asked such a stupid question.

Okay... so that's all fine and good. Maybe something about what he was doing was disrupting the class. I don't know. The recess thing kinda ticks me off, too. But what really makes me mad is this letter. It said something like "Dear Mom. I am writing to tell you that I got in trouble today for holding my breath. I should not do this. I could pass out and have to be taken to the hospital. I could also die. Now I know why I should not hold my breath and I will not do it again."

It was at this point that I realized that he was lectured about how dangerous it is to hold his breath. It was also at this point that what I've been saying this entire school year was confirmed! His teacher, is an idiot!!

Hello!! McFly!!! You absolutely cannot die from holding your breath. Not unless you were to pass out and hit your head on something. And in that case, your death would be caused from a fall, not from holding your breath. If he were strangling himself, totally different scenario! But your body is equipped to say "Alright, you're being an idiot. I'll take over from here." And at that point you will either gasp for air or you will, in fact, pass out. (I would bet $1,000 that 95% of the people in the world do not have the will power to hold their breath to this extent.)

Next up came his math homework. "The school has 14 books. There are 3 classrooms. Divide the books equally between the classrooms and give the left overs to the library."

So, being the math whiz that he is.... He says "That's 4 books per class and 2 for the library." Good job. Problem solved. Move on.

No. No. No. First he has to draw a picture and separate the books into groups. When I see him drawing these pictures, I always imagine him being an accountant and drawing a thousand little pictures of dollar signs on his notepad, dividing them into groups and counting them. It's just ridiculous!!

So, after he draws the picture, he has to write sentences to explain the steps he took to figure out the answer. THEN he has to explain WHY he took those steps. BTW, this caused a 5 minute discussion about why it's not okay to simply write "Because it's the right way to do it." LOL

That simple little math problem, the one he answered in 10 seconds, took 45 minutes. Fifteen minutes were spent on him trying to explain to me how his teacher wanted him to do the problem. (Which was TOTALLY jacked up) Another fifteen were spent on me trying to explain that mathematics is the one and only universal thing on Earth with a couple "Your teacher is a moron"'s thrown in there for good measure. Five minutes explaining the polite way to tell his teacher that she can feel free to give me a call!!!!!!!! And the rest of the time trying to come up with a reason besides "Because it's the right way to do it."

This isn't the first time that he's come to me with math problems and explained the genius way his teacher wants him to solve the problem. My biggest issue is that the things he's learning NOW are just the basics that will be needed in the future. It ticks me off to no end to know that she's teaching him the incorrect way to figure out problems and he'll have to relearn all of those skills, the right way.

Okay... Last part of this rant. There are MANY more examples that I'd love to share with you but at this point, my post is already way overdue for an ending.

This year, they've started learning cursive handwriting. Now, think back to when you were in school. Do you remember the big letters that they put above the chalkboard? The ones that demonstrated the correct way to write letters? The ones that, even though it's been 20+ years since you stared at those letters for 7 hours a day, the image is still imprinted in your brain?

Okay... now... imagine that I told you that even though you see those letters all day, every day, you are NOT allowed to write the letters in the same manner that you're seeing them. No. No. No. You must refer to the handwriting book that you've been given.

To me, that's the equivalent of putting a huge poster on the wall that says 2+2=5 and then expecting the students to just remember that the answer is incorrect.

Why???? WHY would you do that????????

End Rant...

Oh hey -- BTW -- I put up the new Site of the Week & Post of the Week at Text Imps yesterday. Make sure you check it out. And pay VERY close attention to the Site of the Week. It's important!

ETA: I should also point out that I love teachers! I think they're under appreciated and under payed. I'm just saying..... this one..... Luh-who-zuh-her!
Posted on 1:52 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

It's Interview Time

The awesomely awesome Stacie, from Stacie's Madness offered to send me some interview questions. I tried... REALLY I DID... I tried to be serious and answer these questions in a professional manner but... DUDE!! So not me. So you're gonna get this in true Chris fashion. Translated.... It's a jacked up interview and I'm just as lame as ever. Heheee...

1) What is your greatest achievement?
I'm very proud of the fact that I can take my children out into the world and no killing will occur. I will not want to kill them. They will not try to kill each other. And I won't feel like killing myself.

And speaking of kids, I gave birth to all 5 of them without a drop of pain killers. Not by choice, mind you. But I did it just the same. According to the doctor who you can hear in the background of the video that I took 2 minutes after Frogger was born, I'm a very strong lady.

But seriously, my only real achievement that I can think of, is that at age 25, I bought my house outright. That's right. I don't owe a penny on it. I also own all of my vehicles.

2) If you could do ONE thing over in your life what would it be? If you wouldn't redo, why not?
That chicken I ate yesterday... OMG!! My stomach still hasn't settled down.

I've always wished that I could've avoided the whole ex-husband part of my life. But without that part, I wouldn't have 2 of my children. I also wouldn't know just how good I have it now. So.. scratch that one.

On that same note, I wish that when I found out the SOB was cheating on me that I had gone ahead and beat the crap out of the person he was cheating with. I swear I'm not a violent person but, I always wondered if I'd have felt better about the whole thing.

Now, had I actually DONE that, this answer would probably be "I wish I hadn't beat the crap out of her." LOL And I know that many people will think "Well, HE is the one that promised to love you and not hurt you, so don't blame her" but in this situation, you'd be wrong. She was my best friend and that little part of the equation makes her just as guilty.

Hmm... Did I actually answer this question yet? Uhm.....
Okay. I can't think of any life altering changes...
No wait, I just did.

I would go back and make the doctors understand that my grandmother's pain was not in her head. I would've insisted that they did more tests until they figured out what was wrong with her. I would've made sure that they figured it out BEFORE the cancer was allowed to spread throughout her body so badly that there was nothing that could be done about it.

Losing Grandma was the hardest thing I've EVER had to deal with in my entire life. If there was anything that I could do to make it so she were still here.... that's the part that I would do over. And if that change resulted in no more ovarian cancer EVER..... then that would be even better.

3) If you had the chance to have a date with a famous person who would it be and what would you do?
Josh Blue! And if you don't know who Josh Blue is then, shame on you! You have no idea what you're missing. Go look him up on YouTube or something.

And if you DO know who he is and you're rolling your eyes.... screw you & the horse you rode in on. LOL I love that guy to death!!!!! One day I'll take a picture of my autographed picture for you.

We'd probably end up somewhere like Chuck E Cheese where he would undoubtedly kick my butt at any of the sports games.

But seriously.... No seriously!! Josh Blue is my answer! And if he's unavailable, then I'd love to smoke a big fat fatty with Willie Nelson. (And no, this doesn't mean I'm a pothead. But I WOULD partake if Willie was passin!!)

4) If you were an animal, which one would you be and why?
Hmm.... Maybe I would be a dog because I always have my nose in other people's business.

Maybe a monkey because I like to climb and make weird noises and I've been known to throw poop.

The real answer would probably be a fish. I love water and I have the same memory capacity as a fish. "Oh look! A castle! *swim swim swim* Oh look! A castle!"

5) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Right here, sitting on my butt, staring at a computer screen. That's actually the honest truth, too. I've been mulling over some new ideas for online businesses. Hopefully at least ONE of my ideas will pan out and I can continue to stay at home with my kiddos.

It would be awesome if one of my jobs would allow hubby to stay home, too. With the exception of trying to feed 7 people and the normal "kid expenses" it really doesn't take much money for us to survive. So this goal is actually something I can see being fullfilled (if I could stop reading blogs and put some time into working lol)

Now....... If YOU would like to be interviewed, by yours truly, just leave a note in the comments and I'll send you 5 questions. Or you can drop me a note at textimps [at] gmail [dot] com. If you request an interview via comments and you don't have your questions within 24 hours, send me an email because APPARENTLY your address is no-reply@blogger.com (oh how I hate that address)
Posted on 2:37 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 14 Comments »

Some Screenshots

Nothin' goin' on around here lately. The Ol' Man has been gone since Monday and right now, he's 20 miles up the road & sleeping at a truckstop. How horrible is that!?!? 20 itty bitty miles and I can't see him. If the yard wasn't all mushy from the rain he'd just pull the semi up into the yard and sleep at home... but nooo........ dang rain!!!!!

Since I have absolutely nothing to talk about tonight (other than whining that I miss hubby) I figured I'd post some screenshots that I've taken over the past month or so.

First up.... we have the stats from one of my website counters.




That wasn't very impressive but... look what happened when I just tried to upload it to blogger. This is kinda creepy....






Alright... this one's better.






As if the BIG WORDS weren't bad enough... they go and add 'Roid LOL

And here's the last one (because I just realized how bad these pictures look when I use this blogger upload stuff)






Grrrr You can't even READ that.

What it says is Ticker: Raccoons attack the White House.

When I read this for the first time, I spit Coke On My Keyboard!! Thoughts of Forrest Gump and "Mama just chased them away with a broom" came flooding in.

*** ETA -- I feel like I ripped ya'll off with this post. So I'm going to add more junk to it. See how nice I am. LOL

My cousin just sent this to me a couple minutes ago. I've seen it before, but it's still funny. Thought I'd share in case YOU haven't seen it.

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

From Ms Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime,
the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms . Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'
Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN
Posted on 11:00 PM by Chris and filed under , | 7 Comments »

Spinning My Wheels And Looking For A Tow Truck

**Warning -- Just turn back now.... seriously... By the time you finish reading this, you'll hate yourself (and me) for wasting your valuable time. **


I have a million and one things going through my head right now. I have tons of projects that I could work on and 2 tons of projects that I'd like to start. Problem is, I just don't know WHERE to start.

I feel like my other blog needs a complete overhaul. Also, I have a game site that I'd love to redesign. On top of that is this blog. I love that header up there, but it's not mine. Do you know how nuts it makes me to use someone else's layout? I shudder every single time I open this thing. It drives me absolutely bonkers.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about starting some sort of blog design business. I've talked to a few other designers and they've given me lots of great tips but I just don't know where to start. Maybe the first step would be to set myself up with a design. *laughs*

Another problem I have is the fact that, with my luck, anyone who would want to use my service would like "pretty". I am SO not into pretty! Black is my thing. I love black. I've designed things in the past that were pink and purple and frilly and I wanted to gag every step of the way. The customers were happy, but I hated it!!!

(Sidenote -- Who are these weirdos that keep finding me on Twitter? And... when I message all ya'll, do you think the same thing about me? LOL "Who's this weirdo??" ?? )

What about these pictures that the other designers are using? The mommy cartoon characters. Do they draw them on their own or is there some secret society of underground cartoon sharing sites (that made no sense) where they just swap cartoons back and forth?

I'm just thinking outloud right now. Ya'll feel free to find something else to read before this jibber-jabber causes brain damage.

Still here? Alright, well... answer me this. Do any of you do design work? Do you have any tips? Would you like a lackey? Do you have any tips? Did I say that already?

I seriously need to find SOMETHING to do!!!

Anyone want a new layout? Anyone need some functionality added to their wordpress blog but just can't figure out how to do it?? You can find a link to all of my contact info over ---->> there, up at the top.

Dooot-dee-doooo La-la-la

Bored Bored Bored....

Anyone online and just want to chat? LMAO!!

Bueller..... Bueller.......
Posted on 11:37 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 11 Comments »

Yeah Okay Nevermind

I totally changed my mind on that whole carnival idea from yesterday. I decided I need to do a little more thinking on it before I try and use it. Meh... Oh well... One of these days.

Not much going on at the moment. It's only 7:30 in the morning though.

Lots to do today but the first thing I'm gonna do is go back to bed!!!!!!
Posted on 7:28 AM by Chris and filed under | 4 Comments »

Pictures And Stuff


You know what I call this? A crying shame!!

Do you see it? Right there? In front of the dog?

Right there!!! The brown thing!! Yes!! That's chocolate!! On the floor!!!

Someone wasted a perfectly good piece of chocolate and I am NOT happy about it.

And if you look closely, you can see that the rest of the chocolate is already gone from the heart-shaped box. *sigh* Such a tragedy.

LOL - Someone was apparently running around half naked during this picture. I just spotted a pair of pants, too.

I can't wait for the dog's molting too be done! The house is covered in hair. If you think the rug looks bad, you oughtta see my black bed spread. It's gray now, from all of the hair.


And this picture? This one is a true testimate to a few of my many skills. That's right. Skills I say.

First, we have the skill of being able to serve meals for days without the need for the dishes that are piled in the sink.

And, if you don't count being able to stack 12 plastic bowls, 3 glass bowls, 3 saucers, 8 glass plates and 1 plastic plate in a single dish drainer as a skill... well... then I suggest you show me what passes for talent 'round these here parts.

And when you're done with that, head over to Text Imps. I finally got the Post of the Week and Site of the Week added a couple of hours ago. Sorry about the delay.

Oh.. AND.... There's a new post up at Christian's Kingdom, too. He had his stuff ready for posting over a week ago and I ... well... I kept forgetting to post it for him. I finally found a program to make his recordings quieter. I thought his last recording was going to make my ears bleed!!!! So I HAD TO find a way to fix that.

Make sure you come back tomorrow. I think I've come up with a new blogging game (or maybe you call it a carnival) that ya'll might like.

Well look at me. I'm just little Ms. Bossy today aren't I? Visit this, visit that, come back tomorrow.

Why are you still here??? Move It Mister!!!!!!!!
Posted on 2:10 PM by Chris and filed under , , , | 10 Comments »

It's Coming To Get You AGAIN!!!!

This week's Spin Cycle is all about laughter. What makes you laugh so hard that you end up with Coke On YOUR Keyboard? For my Spin I'm going to repost an entry from just a few days ago.

For those of you who've already seen this entry, skip down to the stars at the bottom because I've added more info.

For those who haven't seen it.. I hope you enjoy. =D

Last Monday, I took a trip to the gas station (18 miles round trip) and got Coke & bread. Guess what I drove. Yeah... The hearse... *shivers* I kept doddling and seriously just didn't want to drive that thing. As I got ready to leave, I told The Ol' Man "I'll be back soon... if the zombies don't eat me." His response?? "It's not the zombies you have to worry about. It's the creepy black shadows that jump around in the back." GUH!!!!!!! Ass!! Like I SERIOUSLY needed to hear that!!

I went out and checked to make sure I could open the gas cap. Didn't feel the need to drive 9 miles and figure out I was too stupid to operate it.... or unlock it. Then I peeked into the back to make sure there were no zombies, cats, homeless people or monsters in there. Unlocked the door and got in. At this point I'm totally surprised to see that my brother has removed the window that once separated the driver from the boogieman casket. Crap...

Then I had a nice little conversation with myself about how stupid I was being.

Self, you're being stupid. Don't be a sissy about this. It's not like they carried souls in the car.
What is that smell?
I mean, by the time the hearse got the body, it was nothing more than skin & bones. There weren't even organs left. Right?
Seriously - What the hell is that smell?
I mean... the ambulance always picked up the body to take it to the morgue... right? Or a coroner's car maybe. Hell, a minivan came and got Grandma.
How bad would that suck? If one of my last rides is in a minivan, I will come back and haunt everyone that had anything to do with it. Oh man. What if someone else had to ride in a minivan? I bet that ticked them off. What if....
They don't use the hearse for this sort of stuff. Only for transferring from the funeral home to the cemetery.
If someone comments to set me straight on this lie I've convinced myself of.. so help me....
Okay, just turn around, start it up and go. Oh, check that out. This dash is just like the Caddy I drove in high school. That's cool.
What was that? Is there someone behind me?
Cool. It even does the self leveling thing. Holy crap it's cold. Where's the heater. Does this thing even have a heater?
You don't want a heater in a hearse dumbass. Hot dead bodies stink.
Oh, there's the heater buttons. I forgot they hide them in these Cadillacs.
Oh man, is that what that smell is? Did someone put the heater on too hot? Is that dead body stench? Maybe it's formaldehyde.
Aww yes. Heat. I thought they said it was suppose to be warm today. Lyin' asses. Alright, let's see if I can pull this thing out of here without hitting anything or getting stuck in the mud.

Holy crap someone needs to bleed these brakes.
Bleed... bleeding... blood. I wonder if blood ever spilled out into the back of the car. No. No blood. Just skin & bones. Skin.and.bones!
Why is this jerk on my ass? He's gonna end up slamming into me and killing us both.
How ironic would it be to die in a hearse.
Yeah... just keep starin' asswod. Yes I'm a girl. Yes I'm driving a hearse. Pass me and get it over with.
OMG What if he sees something behind me. Maybe I can't see it because the reflection won't show up in the mirror. You can't see vampires in mirrors right?
Is this speedometer wrong? Why is everyone passing me? I'm going 62. That's well over the speed limit. Okay. This guy's staring at me, too. What is wrong with these people?
OMG What was that!?? I saw something. There's something behind me. Oh.... that was my head in the mirror.
Let's just adjust this mirror here... Why is there even a mirror in this thing? It's not like you can see out the back with all these curtains.
Maybe it's so you can see them when they reach out to grab your head and suck your brains out through your ear.
Go idiot! You have the right of way. See, when you get to the 4-way stop before me, you go first. Frickin' morons! I swear!!

OMG it's cold out here. I knew I was gonna be pumping gas. I should've worn gloves.
*peek into back of car* No boogie man. *go in and pay* *peek into car* No boogie man.
Go idiot!! Come on! People in this town shouldn't be allowed to have licenses.

Wow! Is that a coyote? That looks a lot like my dog. I always thought she was probably part coyote but now that I see that one running....
OMG What was that? Ok. I definitely saw something that time. I am not driving this stupid thing again.
I really do think she must be part coyote.

*walk through the front door*
Ol Man - "So, how was it? Were you all freaked out?"
Me - "I was fine. I was only kidding about being spooked. Ya know, if it had room for more than 3 people to ride in it, I'd actually think about keeping it. But, since it doesn't, I guess we have to get rid of it. That kinda bums me out."

LmAo -- SHuT Up!

********

So last night... Hubby gets home late and I'm too tired to cook dinner and I suggest we order a pizza. We live out in the middle of no where and pizza places don't deliver this far out in the boonies. This meant that I'd have to go get the pizza myself.

Fast forward to 25 minutes later... I'm in the car. And it's dark. Very dark. I look into my rear view mirror and I KID YOU NOT!!! There was a shadow behind me. And not one of my imaginary shadows!!!

I didn't just glance at this shadow. No, I studied it. Because this time, I knew it was ACTUALLY there. It was there! And it was behind me! And I was petrified.

So I'm sittin' there 100% freaked out. Staring at this shadow that's behind me on the door and I start contemplating my escape route.

Dead serious... I start thinking about bailing out of this car at 60 mile an hour!! Had my 8 year old not been riding shot gun, I may have actually jumped.

But then... the shadow was gone!!!
OMG Where did it go? Did it move closer? Is it right behind me now? I'm dead. I'm gonna die. This thing is gonna reach out and grab hold of me.

Pictures of Eleanor from The Haunting start flashing through my mind and I'm waiting for my hair to start moving. And then... the shadow was back. It was back. And in the same spot. No doubt about it, this was not a figment of my overactive imagination.

All of a sudden, something made my leg itch. Not wanting to lose sight of the shadow and allow it to sneak up on me while I wasn't looking, I carefully stared in my rear view mirror as I leaned down to scratch my leg. As I bent down I noticed that the shadow moved, too. This of course scared the crap out of me and I sat straight back up in my seat. And again... the shadow moved. This time growing taller.

With a very puzzled look on my face, I pushed the fear aside, leaned down again and watched the shadow move with me. I sat up... and so did the shadow.

It was at this moment that I realized that I am, in fact, afraid of my own shadow.

So let this be a lesson to you. You should never consider jumping out of a moving car because you believe there are ghostly spirits hitching a ride. It's just a really bad idea!

Now head over to The Daily Wit and share a bad idea.

And don't forget to have your Spin finished & submitted by February 20th.

Posted on 8:39 PM by Chris and filed under , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

45 Minutes of Hell

Now that my panic attack has slightly subsided, let me tell you what just happened.

My son rides the bus home from school and generally arrives between 3:30 and 3:35. At 3:45 I started to wonder where he was.

3:50 - I started to worry. I called next door to see if he'd gone to my in-laws'. Thoughts of crazy students with guns & my son hiding under a desk in terror & overturned busses with dead children started flowing through my mind.

3:55 - I went outside in hopes of seeing the bus come over the hill. I was met in the yard by an in-law and was informed that there were tornadoes in The Ol' Man's path. This was in addition to the knowledge I received from The Stiletto Mom this morning about gale force winds and hail in his destination point of Texas, which already had me worried.

4:00 - I called the grade school 3 times with no answer and was apparently freaking out because, for the life of me, I couldn't remember a single phone number out of the 4 I have.

4:05 - I tried to find the high school's phone number with no luck. Tried to find the bus driver's number with no luck. Tried to call my mom because I know she has his number... no luck.

4:10 - Called next door again. Called the grade school a few more times and recited the phone numbers that I had written down.

4:15 - I'm fully dressed and ready to go out the door when babysitter comes in.

4:17 - Luigi walks through the front door, we all let out a huge sigh of relief and begin the "Where Were You?!?!?" questioning as well as the ranting about the lack of contact from the school.

Apparently, the bus got stuck in deep mud in someone's drive-way.

4:20 - I try to get hold of hubby. No answer. Try again. No answer. Great!!! A tornado has picked up his truck and slung him who knows where!! He's probably dead. Or hurt and stuck under his truck in a field where no one will find him for days. ANSWER THE PHONE!!!!

4:25 - Hubby finally answers the phone. He says everything's fine. The weather is beautiful. We chat for a minute and he's instructed to call his dad.

4:30 - I remember that while I was outside, I checked the mail and received a package. I retrieve the package and don't recognize the name on it. I open it in anticipation of some wonderful gift that one of my new found blogging friends has sent me. What will it be?? I'm so excited!!!

Parts for a saw?? Meh....... I totally forgot I had ordered chainsaw parts from eBay. Talk about disappointed.

4:45 - All is well in Over Active Imagination Land.
Posted on 4:29 PM by Chris and filed under , , | 17 Comments »

I Miss My Sweety

Being a truck driver's wife has its moments. Yes, it's nice to not have that extra person to clean up after & cook for. But I'd trade that in in a heartbeat to have my honey home with me & to be able to see him daily.

I'd love to be able to send him messages throughout the day & quick notes to tell him that the kids & I are thinking about him.

Have you seen this new thing called the Peek? 20 bucks a month and no contract! I so want one!!
You, too? Well... check out this giveaway at Musings of A Housewife.
Posted on 2:07 PM by Chris and filed under | 6 Comments »

It's Coming To Get You

The Ol' Man just left for another week on the road. He's going back to Texas again. Let that be warning to anyone who lives between Illinois & Texas. Bad weather is on your way! Remember last week when Kentucky, Arkansas & even Texas froze over? Yeah. Totally The Ol' Man's fault. Bad weather follows him wherever he goes. Actually, it doesn't follow him. It tries to stay about 10 miles ahead of him.

I took a trip to the gas station this morning (18 miles round trip) and got Coke & bread. Guess what I drove. Yeah... The hearse... *shivers* I kept doddling and seriously just didn't want to drive that thing. As I got ready to leave, I told The Ol' Man "I'll be back soon... if the zombies don't eat me." His response?? "It's not the zombies you have to worry about. It's the creepy black shadows that jump around in the back." GUH!!!!!!! Ass!! Like I SERIOUSLY needed to hear that!!

I went out and checked to make sure I could open the gas cap. Didn't feel the need to drive 9 miles and figure out I was too stupid to operate it.... or unlock it. Then I peeked into the back to make sure there were no zombies, cats, homeless people or monsters in there. Unlocked the door and got in. At this point I'm totally surprised to see that my brother has removed the window that once separated the driver from the boogieman casket. Crap...

Then I had a nice little conversation with myself about how stupid I was being.

Self, you're being stupid. Don't be a sissy about this. It's not like they carried souls in the car.
What is that smell?
I mean, by the time the hearse got the body, it was nothing more than skin & bones. There weren't even organs left. Right?
Seriously - What the hell is that smell?
I mean... the ambulance always picked up the body to take it to the morgue... right? Or a coroner's car maybe. Hell, a minivan came and got Grandma.
How bad would that suck? If one of my last rides is in a minivan, I will come back and haunt everyone that had anything to do with it. Oh man. What if someone else had to ride in a minivan? I bet that ticked them off. What if....
They don't use the hearse for this sort of stuff. Only for transferring from the funeral home to the cemetery.
If someone comments to set me straight on this lie I've convinced myself of.. so help me....
Okay, just turn around, start it up and go. Oh, check that out. This dash is just like the Caddy I drove in high school. That's cool.
What was that? Is there someone behind me?
Cool. It even does the self leveling thing. Holy crap it's cold. Where's the heater. Does this thing even have a heater?
You don't want a heater in a hearse dumbass. Hot dead bodies stink.
Oh, there's the heater buttons. I forgot they hide them in these Cadillacs.
Oh man, is that what that smell is? Did someone put the heater on too hot? Is that dead body stench? Maybe it's formaldehyde.
Aww yes. Heat. I thought they said it was suppose to be warm today. Lyin' asses. Alright, let's see if I can pull this thing out of here without hitting anything or getting stuck in the mud.

Holy crap someone needs to bleed these brakes.
Bleed... bleeding... blood. I wonder if blood ever spilled out into the back of the car. No. No blood. Just skin & bones. Skin.and.bones!
Why is this jerk on my ass? He's gonna end up slamming into me and killing us both.
How ironic would it be to die in a hearse.
Yeah... just keep starin' asswod. Yes I'm a girl. Yes I'm driving a hearse. Pass me and get it over with.
OMG What if he sees something behind me. Maybe I can't see it because the reflection won't show up in the mirror. You can't see vampires in mirrors right?
Is this speedometer wrong? Why is everyone passing me? I'm going 62. That's well over the speed limit. Okay. This guy's staring at me, too. What is wrong with these people?
OMG What was that!?? I saw something. There's something behind me. Oh.... that was my head in the mirror.
Let's just adjust this mirror here... Why is there even a mirror in this thing? It's not like you can see out the back with all these curtains.
Maybe it's so you can see them when they reach out to grab your head and suck your brains out through your ear.
Go idiot! You have the right of way. See, when you get to the 4-way stop before me, you go first. Frickin' morons! I swear!!

OMG it's cold out here. I knew I was gonna be pumping gas. I should've worn gloves.
*peek into back of car* No boogie man. *go in and pay* *peek into car* No boogie man.
Go idiot!! Come on! People in this town shouldn't be allowed to have licenses.

Wow! Is that a coyote? That looks a lot like my dog. I always thought she was probably part coyote but now that I see that one running....
OMG What was that? Ok. I definitely saw something that time. I am not driving this stupid thing again.
I really do think she must be part coyote.

*walk through the front door*
Ol Man - "So, how was it? Were you all freaked out?"
Me - "I was fine. I was only kidding about being spooked. Ya know, if it had room for more than 3 people to ride in it, I'd actually think about keeping it. But, since it doesn't, I guess we have to get rid of it. That kinda bums me out."

LmAo -- SHuT Up!

... And head over to Text Imps cuz I put up the Post of the Week & Site of the Week last night.
Posted on 10:37 AM by Chris and filed under , , , | 10 Comments »

Let Me Out NOW & A Thank You

About 30 minutes ago, the Ol' Man asked "Who wants to go take a ride in the hearse?"
Princess - No way!
Tab - ME!
Luigi - ME!
Boogie - I go! I go!
Frogger - *crickets chirping*

The Ol' Man decided Tab would be the one to go. He just wanted to take it for a ride around the country block and make sure it was gonna get him to Indy tomorrow.

They left and went for their test drive. When they came home, Tab walked in with this "Holy Hell!!!" look on his face. The Ol' Man was as giggly as a school girl. I thought he must've just been driving crazily or something.

I asked Tab "So... how did it feel riding in a car of DEATH?"
Ol' Man busts a gut!!!!!
Tab "I didn't know that's what it was!!!!!!! Not until we were half way down the road and he told me. I thought you just put a table* in the back!"

LMAO - I guess when Tab was informed of what the car was actually used for, his eyes bugged out and he was ready to get out and walk home!

On another note, THANK YOU to all who stopped by Luigi's website. He's was thrilled to see that he had comments AND a subscriber. You guys are awesome!! =D

If any of you have children with their own blogs and you'd like me to come by and check them out you can either leave a comment here or at Luigi's site. You can also e-mail me at textimps [at] gmail [dot] com if you'd prefer to not publicize the address.

*Table - We are a fleamarketing family and any vehicle we've ever owned that was big enough to haul tables... has.
Posted on 11:12 AM by Chris and filed under , , , | 6 Comments »

The World of An 8 Year Old

Lots of work to do right now. Dishes, baths to give, cleaning the house, making lunch... ya know.. all that super duper fun I'm the mom stuff.

I'll spare you a post from my tired mind and let you go check out my son's new blog. It's called Christian's Kingdom. Basically, what we're doing is, he does a recording and I type it all out for him. His recording are there on each post. Just a little warning -- If you decide to listen to the recordings, turn down your sound first and then adjust it accordingly. It's SUPER loud and I haven't figured out how to make it quieter.

His most recent post is an interview with each of his 3 sisters.... including the 2 month old. Needless to say, she kinda snubbed him. LOL

He just started the blog a couple of days ago so there's not much to read. But I'm sure he'd be all sorts of excited to see comments from people other than his mom & grandmas. I know he went crazy when he linked to Putnam Pig and Putnam came over and left a comment. (See. Blogrolls DO work)

Remember that he's only 8 and comments should be age appropriate. I don't mean baby talk LOL I just mean watch the language. Links should also be age appropriate. If, like my blog, it's not something he should be reading, then please leave it out. But you can come HERE and post your link. =D

Thank You in advance to all who go visit him =D
ChristiansKingdom.com
Posted on 12:57 PM by Chris and filed under | 4 Comments »

Take A Ride With Me On This Journey Through Life


Green = My Own Picture


Red = This picture was stolen is being borrowed.



When I was a teenager, my dad bought one of these...



The Chevy didn't have power steering. My mom might weigh 110 (that's pushing it) and I remember her pulling herself off of the seat and hanging onto the steering wheel to try and turn the wheels.

My dad also owned this magnificent beast...



I loved riding on the back of that thing. The knots wind in my hair... the sunburn on my cheeks... the bugs in my teeth smile on my face... FYI - I even have a dog named Harley.

My dad taught me to drive a stick shift in one of these...



I almost killed us when I turned a corner to quickly and almost flipped the Jeep. Dad put his hands on the hardtop & his foot on the dashboard. I think I may have peed a little. The Jeep's radiator leaked and I always had to carry jugs of water with me. People would often point at the front of Jeep and throw hand gestures as to say "Hey, your car is peeing."

In high school I had the honor of driving my brothers and myself to school in one of these...



Ours wasn't as nice, but it got us where we were going. The Belaire had "three on the tree". It also had a windshield that leaked and a turn signal that was held on with a pipe clamp thingy. If the clamp loosened, the turn signal would hang between my legs.

Also in high school, my mom finally got car with less than 3 bazillion miles on it. She (through no fault of her own because my dad found a great deal) was the proud new owner of...



an Aspire. My dad's a big guy (if you couldn't tell from the Harley picture) and when he drove this car, he always reminded me of Bowser & Mario Kart.

My first boyfriend drove...



a '69 Camaro. It was the first car I ever drove at night.

The first time I ever got pulled over by the cops, I was driving...



A Chevy Blazer that had hit a deer and looked like it was gonna fall apart as it drove down the road. Actually, that's why the cop pulled me over.

On my 18th birthday I was driving a blue version of this beauty...



and I got into a wreck on the way from work to school. Yes, I wrecked my daddy's Caddy. Happy Birthday to me! Oh the shame!! I wasn't at fault and the car wasn't all that damaged, but it still sucked.

After I graduated and moved out, my dad bought me a little 4 door Chevy Cavalier. After driving it for a year or so, my grandma got a new car and I bought this one...



from her for $1. I gave my Cavalier to my brother. During one nasty tornado season, he parked the Cavalier in my mom's parking spot and it got crushed by a tree. That'll teach him!!

I was still driving the Mazda 626 when I met hubby. He, was driving this...



His was all decked out with KC lights and a huge push bar. I knew he loved me when he let me drive his truck. I also knew it was real love when he had a sticker with my nickname made to put on the back window.

A few years ago, we traded the Toyota to my brother. In exchange, we ended up with a teal...



'77 Chevy Van. This is another vehicle that has the manual gear shift thingy on the steering wheel's column. I LOVE!!!! this van! It's so loud! And has so much power! And I can smoke them hotrod boys off a line and make them blush like little girls.

With our first tax check as a couple, we purchased a....



Mitsubishi Mirage. After a few years and thousands of miles, the tranny went out and it took almost 3 years to find another for it. $500+ later and it's still sitting right there in the driveway where I took its picture. See the yellow cargo truck? Yeah... That's mine, too. What else is mine?? This thing...



It's a K-9 unit that was bought at an auction. I even managed to find an evil beast of a dog....



to go on rides with me.

This past week, we traded that '77 Van to another brother. Care to see what we traded for? Here it is....



Yes,that's right. I'm the proud owner of a 1986 Cadillac Fleetwood Hearse. Aint it perdy!! BTW, Its for sale. Anyone want a death mobile?

I called to put insurance on it earlier this morning. They asked me 100 different questions about it. They never asked me if I'd be hauling dead bodies, but they DID ask if I would be using it to transport migrant workers.

Well... I guess that's enough of that crap. Hubby's out driving this....



and this post has put me way behind on my chores.


Posted on 10:38 AM by Chris and filed under , | 5 Comments »

It's Fabulous I Tell Ya

Guess what I got... No guess. Seriously! Just guess! Come on... you're no fun. GUESS!!!

Fine. I'll just tell you. I got........ my very own....... my very first........ Blog Award!! That's right! I'm the proud new owner of some Blog Bling blaby. I mean baby.


To mark this special occasion, I have created a video for your viewing pleasure. (sound not required)




That's right. On Monday, Ginny Marie from Lemon Drop Pie gave me this award, along with a huge compliment on my commenting skilz. The reason it has taken me so long to post this is, I have to come up with 5 things that I'm "into" right now. Seriously people! I have no life!! Playing with my kids, being mom & wife and sitting here on my butt. That's all I do, day after day... after day..... after long long day.

So, let's see what kinda smoke I can blow up yer butt that'll pass for a decent list. LOL

1. My family. I know that's sort of a generic answer, but, really!!! that's where 99% of my time and energy is spent.

2. Themes & Templates. I have a huge obsession with designing websites. Right now, I have 4 or 5 ideas that I'm working on for this particular site. Who knows how many times it will change before I decide on one I'm happy with.

3. Websites - I currently have 7 domains registered (plus this Blogger blog) and every single site needs maintenance!

4. Text Imps - This one sort of goes with #3 but it's my biggest project right now.

5. Meeting new bloggers - I love meeting new people online. As I've already stated, I have no real life, so meeting people online is as close to making new friends as I'm gonna get. But, that's okay by me. Some of my closest friends are people I met online. Later tonight, I need to download Trillian and make more IDs so that people can contact me by instant messenger if they'd like to.

So there ya have it. Family & Internet. Yeah, I'm boring. I know...

And now, here are the people that I've chosen to pass this award on to. My choices should come as no surprise to you because you DID watch that video up there, right?

1. Stacie @ Stacie's Madness
2. Gina @ My very last nerve
3. Heather @ Riding the Short Bus
4. Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???
5. Mr & Mrs Nurse Boy @ Poop on Jelly

I think this is the part where I'm suppose to say "Do what you want with the award. Pass it on, don't pass it on, write about 5 things you're into.... or don't... whatever." =D

THANKS AGAIN GINNY MARIE
Posted on 7:03 PM by Chris and filed under , | 13 Comments »