Luigi is home from school again today. Poor kid was still sick this morning when he woke up. He seems much better now. In fact, he just finally ate again for the first time in a couple days. He chowed down a Spam sandwich. Yes, that's right. I said Spam.

I don't make a habit of buying Spam. The Ol' Man is a truck driver and I bought this can thinking it would be something he could take with him on the road. Well, he didn't take it with him, so it's been sitting in my pantry ever since.

Luigi is a really piss me off* picky eater. I offered him at least 10 different meal ideas for lunch and he turned them all down. Then he decided to go look for himself. What does he come back with but this can of Spam.

"No, you can't eat that. It's at least 6 months old." Then it dawned on me that this stuff is suppose to have the shelf life of a Twinkie & will be what the cockroaches are living off of when we humans die from nuclear warfare. I checked the expiration date and it said Dec 2010. Woohoo, we're in business. The kid hasn't eaten in two days and needs something in his stomach. If the boy wants Spam... he's gettin' Spam.

I got out my griddle and some cheese thinking I'll fry it and make sandwiches out of it. As I'm fighting to get this hunk of meat out of its can, Luigi says "You're not gonna cook that are you?"

"Uhm... Yes. You have to cook it."

"Popo doesn't cook it."

-- Tune in today at 3 for another episode of 1001 Ways To Cook Spam, with your host, Luigi's grandpa.

So again, I read the can. "Fully cooked, ready to eat, cold or hot" Woohoo. But wait. What's this?? "Please do not use if..." I started back at the beginning of the paragraph so I wouldn't miss the FULL warning before I fed this stuff to my children.

Just below the diagrams of how to make a delicious Spamburger, which direction to slice your Spam and just how thick you should slice it (based on if you're an infant or a linebacker) it said "So. Now you know another of the many secrets of SPAM. This knowledge carries much responsibility. It gives you the power to feed yourself and others. You wield a delicious skill that has far-reaching consequences. Please do not use it for evil."

Lurkers beware! I have Spam and I know how to use it!!

*Note - I typed the span style for that strike-through and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work. Turns out I wrote spam instead of span.